Scott Adams Quotes
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Science is a good thing. News reporters are good things too. But it's never a good idea to put them in the same room.
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Everything you learn becomes a shortcut for understanding something else.
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching.
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I can't bring myself to believe in a God with a personality like my own. I base that on the paucity of lightning attacks on people who deserve it.
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If you have any trouble sounding condescending, find a Unix user to show you how it's done.
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The best part about being my age is in knowing how my life worked out. Sure, there's a lot more living to go, but there isn't much doubt that I'll always be the 'Dilbert guy.' Unless I go on a crime spree, in which case I'll be that stabbin Dilbert guy.
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Scientists often invent words to fill the holes in their understanding.These words are meant as conveniences until real understanding can be found. ... Words such as dimension and field and infinity ... are not descriptions of reality, yet we accept them as such because everyone is sure someone else knows what the words mean.
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You don't argue with a four-year old about why he shouldn't eat candy for dinner. You don't punch a mentally handicapped guy even if he punches you first. And you don't argue when a women tells you she's only making 80 cents to your dollar. It's the path of least resistance. You save your energy for more important battles.
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The people who think a guy walked on water versus the people who think a horse can fly.
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This happens to me: I have this great idea and then I make the mistake of telling someone else.
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Good ideas have no value because the world already has too many of them. The market rewards execution, not ideas.
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Dogbert gazing at night sky No matter how bad the day is, the stars are always there. Dilbert Actually, many of them burned out years ago, but their light is just now reaching earth. DogbertThank you for shattering my comfortable misconception. DilbertIt's the miracle of science.
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Always remember that as long as other people are gullible, there's no limit to what you can achieve.
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Dance like it hurts. Love like you need money. Work when people are watching. -- Dogbert's Motto
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I calculated the total time that humans have waited for web pages to load. It cancels out all the productivity gains of the information age. Sometimes I think the web is a big plot to keep people like me away from normal society.
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Give a man a fish, and you'll feed him for a day. Teach a man to fish, and he'll buy a funny hat. Talk to a hungry man about fish, and you're a consultant.
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The best any human can do is to pick a delusion that helps him get through the day
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These days it seems like any idiot with a laptop computer can churn out a business book and make a few bucks. That's certainly what I'm hoping. It would be a real letdown if the trend changed before this masterpiece goes to print.
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You might think the word "homemade" is just a word we use as a marketing ploy. But what you don't realize is that the staff sleeps here at night. If your tablecloth is wrinkled, that's why.
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It is better for your career to do nothing, than to do something and attract criticism.
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Nothing inspires forgiveness quite like revenge.
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There are very few personal problems that cannot be solved through a suitable application of high explosives.
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Creativity is allowing yourself to make mistakes. Art is knowing which ones to keep.
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Normal people... believe that if it ain't broke, don't fix it. Engineers believe that if it ain't broke, it doesn't have enough features yet.