Scott Adams Quotes
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In yesterday's post, I asked how many of you guys would have sex with a robot if it was indistinguishable from a hot human woman. About 95% of the hetero guys said they would. The other 5% expressed a strong preference for lying.
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Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.
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You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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One Dilbert Blog reader noted that current research shows that happiness causes success more than success causes happiness. That makes sense to me. There's plenty of research about people having a baseline of happiness that doesn't vary much with circumstances. And given that happy people are typically optimistic, energetic, and fun to work with, I can see how happiness would lead to success.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.
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Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.
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I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
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As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.
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Technology: No Place for Wimps!
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I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
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Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo
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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.
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I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.
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In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
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Why aren't you signed up for the 401K? I'd never be able to run that far.
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I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
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Your best work involves timing. If someone wrote the best hip hop song of all time in the Middle Ages, he had bad timing.
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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
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Caring about the quality of your work causes stress. Stress can kill you. Maintain good health by remembering that the stockholders are complete strangers who have never done anything for you.
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To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.
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The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.