Scott Adams Quotes
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On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.
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Technology: No Place for Wimps!
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When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
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When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.
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In fact, most people are being squeezed in their little cubicle, and their creativity is forced out elsewhere, because the company can't use it. The company is organized to get rid of variants.
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I get mail; therefore I am.
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Some of my best friends are Venture Capitalists, but let's face it, a hamster with Alzheimer's could make those kind of numbers. It's great work if you can get it.
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I'm predicting that we'll finally have a computer will search my e-mail automatically and delete every message that begins with 'thought you'd be interested,' and then give an electrical shock to the sender to remind him or her to stop send that kind of message.
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The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
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We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
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Ideas are worthless. Execution is everything.
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Every credible scientist on earth says your products harm the environment. I recommend paying weasels to write articles casting doubt on the data. Then eat the wrong kind of foods and hope you die before the earth does.
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As a fan, I'm distraught, but as a cartoonist looking at new vacant spaces in 2400 newspapers, well, behind me, my cats are dancing a conga line.
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On the keyboard of life, always keep one finger on the escape key.
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Moslem: people who believe suicide is a good way to get laid.
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You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.
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I think you should live your life so that the maximum number of people will attend your funeral.
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For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.
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The first time you see something that you have never seen before, you almost always know right away if you should eat it or run away from it.
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If your boss gets drunk and offers to photocopy her posterior, do not helpfully suggest pressing reduce 75%.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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Newsreader: A huge asteroid could destroy Earth! And by coincidence, that's the subject of tonight's miniseries. Dogbert: In science, researchers proved that this simple device can keep idiots off your television screen. TV remote control Click.
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Work is like the rest of life. The best parts are free.
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Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.