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If you don't believe your salmon is wild, ask it to fetch your newspaper and see what happens.
Scott Adams -
You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.
Scott Adams
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The creator of the universe works in mysterious ways. But he uses a base ten counting system and likes round numbers.
Scott Adams -
The source of all unhappiness is other people. As soon as you learn to think of other people as noisy furniture, the sooner you will be happy. - Wally's Keynote Speech
Scott Adams -
I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
Scott Adams -
Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.
Scott Adams -
You probably think Stephen Hawking is in that wheelchair because of a motor neuron disease. But if you got as much barely-legal student poontang as The Hawkster, you'd be in a wheelchair too.
Scott Adams -
I try to avoid giving advice.
Scott Adams
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Swing your partner, dosey-do, now clap your hands... uh-oh, that's all the square dance moves I know... I'll bluff the rest. Slap your partner in the face, Write bad checks all over the place, Flirt with strangers, annoy your spouse, Get a divorce and lose your house, ...uh... dosey-do.
Scott Adams -
As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.
Scott Adams -
I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
Scott Adams -
Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.
Scott Adams -
If there are no stupid questions, then what kind of questions do stupid people ask? Do they get smart just in time to ask questions?
Scott Adams -
Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
Scott Adams
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The core belief that drives terrorism is the notion of a "holy place," along with the idea that some people belong there and other people don't. That's why the only solution to terrorism is for religious scholars to hold a global summit to agree on the definition of "holy place." Once they agree on a definition, it will be easier to mock it into submission.
Scott Adams -
Let's form proactive synergy restructuring teams.
Scott Adams -
You don't have to be a 'person of influence' to be influential. In fact, the most influential people in my life are probably not even aware of the things they've taught me.
Scott Adams -
The marketing department uses many advanced techniques to match products and buyers in a way that mximizes profits. For example, they give away keychains.
Scott Adams -
Technology: No Place for Wimps!
Scott Adams -
If you work in the city long enough, it begins to deal with you on a personal level. Streets reveal their moods. Sometimes the signal light loves you. Sometimes they fight you. When you're hunting for a new building, you hope the city is on your side. You have to use a little bit of thinking--you might call it the process of elimination--and you need a little bit of instinct, but not too much of either. If you think too hard, you overshoot your target and end up at the Pier or the Tenderloin. If you relax and let the city help, the destination does all the work for you.
Scott Adams
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To err is human. To cover it up is weasel.
Scott Adams -
For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.
Scott Adams -
Everyone, including skeptics, will generate delusions that match their views. That is how a normal and healthy brain works. Skeptics are not exempt from self-delusion.
Scott Adams -
A matador is a guy who didn't have enough people skills to be promoted to serial killer.
Scott Adams