Scott Adams Quotes
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Great minds don't think alike. If they did, the Patent Office would only have about fifty inventions.
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There’s nothing more humbling than seeing your best quotes in a list, and thinking they could have been written by a coma patient with a keyboard and spasms.
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We expect others to act rationally even though we are irrational.
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I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
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Every year, it takes more brains to navigate this complicated world. More people are falling below what I call the 'incompetence line' through no fault of their own.
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As you know, the best way to solve a problem is to identify the core belief that causes the problem; then mock that belief until the people who hold it insist that you heard them wrong.
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When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.
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My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.
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You might argue that my example is bad because Einstein is dead. But according to physicist Erwin Schrodinger, Einstein is neither dead nor alive until we dig him up and open the casket. If he's alive, he might want his brain back, which I understand is in a Ziplock bag in some guy's freezer. And this is a perfect example of why examples always distract from the main point.
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Lately, the only thing keeping me from being a serial killer is my distaste for manual labor.
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In the future, it will become increasingly obvious that your competitors are just as clueless as you are.
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Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.
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The best plan now is to have as many bosses as possible. I call it boss diversity. If you work for a company and you have one boss and that boss doesn't like you or wants to get rid of you, you're in trouble. But if you work for yourself, you have lots of bosses, who are your customers, and if a few of them decide they don't like you, that's okay.
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The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.
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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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Technology: No Place for Wimps!
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Why aren't you signed up for the 401K? I'd never be able to run that far.
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I was busier than a beaver in a coffee lake.
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Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo
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I wish I were dumber so I could be more certain about my opinions. It looks fun.
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Free will is an illusion. People always choose the perceived path of greatest pleasure.
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I burned out my drawing hand by using it too much. The common word for it is writer's cramp. The fancy words for it are focal dystonia. The symptom in my case was a pinky finger that went spastic when I tried to draw.
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In Japan, employees occasionally work themselves to death. It’s called Karoshi. I don’t want that to happen to anybody in my department. The trick is to take a break as soon as you see a bright light and hear dead relatives beckon.
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For the record, I am not a nut. I am an optimist. That's exactly like a nut except with a better attitude.