Scott Adams Quotes
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I've always defined myself not as a cartoonist , but as an entrepreneur. That was true before I tried cartooning. I always imagined cartooning would be how I got my seed capital. I always thought my other businesses would be the less dominant part of my life.
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People are so conditioned to take sides that a balanced analysis looks to them like hatred.
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In the future, airplanes will be flown by a dog and a pilot. And the dog's job will be to make sure that if the pilot tries to touch any of the buttons, the dog bites him.
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Large corporations welcome innovation and individualism in the same way the dinosaurs welcomed large meteors.
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The job isn't done until you've blamed someone for the parts that went wrong.
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No matter how smart you are, you spend much of your day being an idiot.
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I think the pleasure of completed work is what makes blogging so popular. You have to believe most bloggers have few if any actual readers. The writers are in it for other reasons. Blogging is like work, but without coworkers thwarting you at every turn. All you get is the pleasure of a completed task.
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My old life - no amount of getting used to it would have made it right.
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Swing your partner, dosey-do, now clap your hands... uh-oh, that's all the square dance moves I know... I'll bluff the rest. Slap your partner in the face, Write bad checks all over the place, Flirt with strangers, annoy your spouse, Get a divorce and lose your house, ...uh... dosey-do.
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Boss: I just heard that light travels faster than sound. I'm wondering if I should shout when I speak, just so my lips appear to sync-up with my words.
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Ideas are cheap. A dime a dozen, as they say. It's the implementation that's important! The trick isn't just to have a computer game idea, but to actually create it!
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Hard work is rewarding. Taking credit for other people's hard work is rewarding and faster.
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I think 'Dilbert' will remain popular as long as employees are frustrated and they fear the consequences of complaining too loudly. 'Dilbert' is the designated voice of discontent for the workplace. I never planned it that way. It just happened.
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Everybody is somebody's else's weirdo
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The world isn't fair, but as long as it's tilting in my direction, I find that there's a natural cap to my righteous indignation.
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Recently I quit caffeine. My doctor seems to think that 17 Diet Cokes per day is too much. In case you ever consider getting off caffeine yourself, let me explain the process. You begin by sitting motionlessly in a desk chair. Then you just keep doing that forever because life has no meaning.
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When times are bad, the gloves come off and employers are less nice. People become disposable.
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The human population is 90% gullible, violence-prone dipshits.
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You're thinking I'm one of those wise-ass California vegetarians who is going to tell you that eating a few strips of bacon is bad for your health. I'm not. I say its a free country and you should be able to kill yourself at any rate you choose, as long as your cold dead body is not blocking my driveway.
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When you hire that first person, then you're a boss. You've got performance reviews. You've got complaints about not making enough money. You've got people who are just going to sell your story to the tabloids.
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The human mind is a delusion generator, not a window to trurh.
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If I had to pick one quality that best predicts success (other than wanting to be successful) it would be the willingness to risk embarrassment.
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Informed decision-making comes from a long tradition of guessing and then blaming others for inadequate results.
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On the fourth day of telecommuting, I realized that clothes are totally unnecessary.