Jerry Coleman Quotes
Quotes to Explore
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I get tired of comedies where there are a bunch of funny guys and a beautiful woman who doesn't do anything funny. And I don't like books where there's a rough-and-tumble boy and a really clever, snotty girl. That's just not my experience with teenagers.
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What's great about stand-up is that you can say whatever you want and go around the country, and sometimes the world, and work on it and see how people react. You don't need Standards & Practices or notes from lawyers or producers to tell you what's funny.
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I like Michael Moore, but I think of him more as a rabble-rouser. On his TV show, when he went to the home of the guy who invented the car alarm and set off all the car alarms on the block... pretty funny.
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I found out early in life that I could hit a baseball farther than most players, and that's what I tried to do.
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It may sound funny, but it's true: I tried to put myself through the 12-step program. I didn't want to attend a real meeting; my role didn't really require that, and I feel those meetings are sort of sacred, and they're anonymous for a reason. I tried to deal with some of my love of snacks - and I relapsed a lot.
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I will calmly wait for my induction to the Baseball Hall of Fame. Don't I have the numbers to be inducted?
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Nobody ever went broke underestimating the taste of the American public.
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I don't think arrested-adolescent humor will fade. Maybe the form will change, but I guarantee its replacement will still be based in immature behavior from mature figures.
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I think anyone who behaves boorishly but without a good sense of humor is not as fun to watch.
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Playing baseball is fun. If I could play, I'd never retire. But managing is work. It's constant decisions of whose feelings you want to hurt all the time.
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The thing I like about baseball is that it's one-on-one. You stand up there alone, and if you make a mistake, it's your mistake. If you hit a home run, it's your home run.
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Tact is the ability to describe others as they see themselves.
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Half of the great comedians I've had in my shows and that I paid a lot of money to and who made my customers shriek were not only not funny to me, but I couldn't understand why they were funny to anybody.
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Little League baseball is a very good thing because it keeps the parents off the streets.
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I like children - fried.
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I lived the baseball life as a kid, with my dad in it. And I lived the baseball life as an adult, because I was in it. When I retired, I wanted the opportunity to be a little bit more flexible and home-based for my kids.
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I can always get better. A lot of my ex-girlfriends don't think I'm funny.
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When you are away from the game and busy with other areas, you realize that the world does not revolve around baseball.
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There should be a law that no ordinary newspaper should be allowed to write about art. The harm they do by their foolish and random writing it would be impossible to overestimate - not to the artist, but to the public, blinding them to all but harming the artist not at all.
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It's great to see that kind of support online. For people to be messaging myself, my nan and the rest of my family, all the support has been great.
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There are new challenges every day when starting a business and growing a brand, but I'm fortunate to have an amazing team that is always willing to work hard and navigate through whatever obstacle comes our way.
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Harry Dresden: We're all human. We're all of us equally naked before the jaws of pain.
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I grew up thinking that renting is perfectly normal. And then, strangely enough, I never did buy a house. I live in New York City, and I'm still renting. My own personal narrative shows that it is possible to live a respectable life without ever having owned a home.
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Those amateur umpires are certainly flexing their fangs tonight.
