J. B. Smoove Quotes
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I drive a big Dodge truck. I drive American cars.
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I have my website, The Ruckus, which is an Internet site, similar to the Funny or Die format, where people post funny videos. I get a chance to rate their videos; they get a chance to blog and kick it with me.
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It's great when a director like Cameron Crowe can take what you do and fit it into what he's doing. If someone's a fan of you already, they can take what you do and make it work for what they're doing. You don't know their vision, and you're thinking, 'How is this guy going to take what I do and make it work in this movie?'
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I have big hands. I can't do the touch-screen thing. I'm a button guy. I want to press buttons.
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I think what I do in my acting world and what I do in my standup world is bring up a brand that I want to bring across. Once you figure out your brand and what you do, it's kind of easy at that. You end up getting your audience.
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I love to pitch things that I believe in and products that I love to use.
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You know how you put peanut butter on a piece of bread and the bread falls - it never falls on the bread side down, it always falls peanut butter side down. That's because of gravity.
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You buy a new iPhone, a few months later, another new iPhone comes out, and you get online to buy another one. You can't get enough. You are addicted to Apple.
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I am addicted to hockey now. I've seen it on TV, but to be there? I had no idea that white people were having so much fun without me.
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My life is gardening, cleaning around the house and power washing.
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I have to satisfy my audience.
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All you wanna do in life is do what you do well. That's when you're happiest.
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I just always found it easier to be the same guy onstage as you are offstage.
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Live TV has an amazing pace to it. You've got to be able to think quick, make changes last minute, and be funny and fast.
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A lot of comedians are selfish.
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It's not even race; it's a certain type of person that gets 'Pootie Tang.'
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Being a parent is about your survival. Surviving the terrible two's is the most important thing.
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There's book smart, there is street smart, there's relationship smart, there's too many different kinds of smarts to know all of them. Everybody doesn't know every kind of smart. There's money smart, there's movie smart, there's computer smart. There's just too many different kinds of smarts for people to know all the smarts.
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Kids love me. I can bounce back and forth. I can discipline kids, and I can get into the mind of a kid. In my brain, I consider myself the ultimate video game player. The ultimate snack maker.
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My wife is a vegetarian. When my wife is with me, I eat vegetarian. When she's not, I eat meat. I'm just being honest.
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I was the hallway clown in high school.
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I've had jokes stolen a thousand times. But if you can do it better than me, you can have it. I've had jokes stolen from me in the club when I'm next on stage. And my brain will start to turn, and the gears will start turning, and I'll go onstage and create a whole new bit.
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I thought 'Pineapple Express' was hilarious.
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I've done everything. Selling door-to-door fire extinguishers... In bars, I used to repair those machines that have 10 different buttons on them to spray club soda and seltzer.