J. B. Smoove Quotes
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I tell people all the time, as I was going through my process of being a comedian or being an actor and a writer at 'SNL,' I tell people that everything you do is all a piece of your puzzle to determine where you're going to end up at.
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I'm, like, everybody's friend. I'm one of those dudes. I can be friends with anybody. Any race of person, any personality, I can kind of deal with them. I accept different types of people.
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You got to start by doing little things if your quest is to take over the world.
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I'm street smart. You can't con me. But that's just from living in New York. Now if a guy came from Mississippi somewhere, Ohio somewhere, to New York City for the first time, he don't have the street smarts. You can take him.
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I'm trying to be the Jay-Z of comedy one day. I don't know if there's any comedy moguls out there, but I would love to be the first comedy mogul.
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If a director brings a guy to their movie who does improv, they've got to let him do what he does - otherwise it's like bringing Michael Jordan to your basketball team and telling him to just pass the ball and don't shoot.
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When I started stand-up, the first thing I did was to take an improv class.
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I steal scenes, I steal opportunities. I am the ultimate thief. I got sticky fingers, man. They all call me The Thief.
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What happens in improv is you create your own storyline.
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I don't like to dabble in anything I don't do well. I don't talk politics.
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I'm big on facial expressions, and I'm big on mannerisms, which I find to be hilarious.
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Some of the best dramatic actors have started in comedy.
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'The ruckus' is different experiences you go through throughout your life which builds your ruckus points up - your tolerance. You've got to have a high tolerance for dealing with stuff all the time.
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I could never live with you; not 'cause I'm racist or nothing. It's just 'cause as a black man in America, I need to have someone I can come home and complain about white people to. And that just don't work with my white wife.
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Sometimes you can make friends, and sometimes you can take friends. Sometimes people want to be friends with you, and you gotta be like, 'Okay, I can deal with this person's personality and be their friend, but not necessarily do I have to change who I am. I'm not gonna change myself to be their friend.'
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You ever taste some damn chicken so horrible, that you wished the chicken would show up at your house and show your lady how to cook him?
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I wouldn't want to be someone's roommate, that's for sure. You can't do certain things: you can't leave the bathroom door open... you can't put your feet on the couch, you can't hide stuff in the couch.
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I should be European, man. I'm long and lean. I'd look good in a trench coat.
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Sometimes you got to put somebody in their place, let them know that you mean business and you're a grown ass man.
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Remember Tupperware? That was the toughest stuff ever. Why can't they make a phone out of Tupperware?
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For me, standup will always be some part of my life, and other things will move around and find their place.
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You can't take everything that is offered to you. I pass on a lot of stuff, because I truly believe that I will shine better if I could do it 200 percent rather than do it 80 percent and make it so-so.
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Women put guys through tests all the time.
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I loved Peter Sellers. I thought he was the perfect mix of physical comedy with out-of-the-box humor. I loved his tone; I loved his physicality; I loved everything about what he was doing as a comedic actor.