W. C. Fields Quotes
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It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
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Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
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I once spent a year in Philadelphia, I think it was on a Sunday.
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The clever cat eats cheese and breathes down rat holes with baited breath.
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Start every day off with a smile and get it over with.
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Always carry a flagon of whiskey in case of snakebite and furthermore always carry a small snake.
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Drown in a cold vat of whiskey? Death, where is thy sting?
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Some weasel took the cork out of my lunch.
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I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
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Hell, I never vote for anybody, I always vote against.
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Remember, a dead fish can float downstream, but it takes a live one to swim upstream.
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Last week, I went to Philadelphia, but it was closed.
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It was a woman who drove me to drink, and I never had the courtesy to thank her for it.
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I like children - fried.
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How well I remember my first encounter with The Devil'ss Brew. I happened to stumble across a case of bourbon - and went right on stumbling for several days thereafter.
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I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
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Try till you succeed...if you don't succeed once, then destroy all evidence of the fact that you tried!
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Children should neither be seen or heard from - ever again.
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I write my scripts short and they develop on the set, which I have found a far better premise both economically and practically.
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Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
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It ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to.
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Marry an outdoors woman. Then if you throw her out into the yard on a cold night, she can still survive.
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There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
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If there's a will, prosperity can't be far behind.