W. C. Fields Quotes
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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I drink therefore I am.
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I think of the church often. Not because religion was closing in on me, but because for a long time my ass was sore from that hard, unupholstered pew.