W. C. Fields Quotes
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
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Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
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I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.
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Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
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I drink therefore I am.