W. C. Fields Quotes
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No doubt exists that all women are crazy; it's only a question of degree.
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I could be stranded in any town in the United States with ten cents and within an hour make $20 with the shell game.
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Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
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I cook with wine, sometimes I even add it to the food.
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If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
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If I had to live my life over, I'd live over a saloon.
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When we have lost everything, including hope, life becomes a disgrace, and death a duty.
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Horse sense is the thing a horse has which keeps it from betting on people.
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Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
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I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
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No one likes the fellow who is all rogue, but we'll forgive him almost anything if there is warmth of human sympathy underneath his rogueries. The immortal types of comedy are just such men.
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There are only two real ways to get ahead today - sell liquor or drink it.
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On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
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I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
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I didn't squawk about the steak, dear. I merely said I didn't see that old horse that used to be tethered outside here.
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Anyone who hates children and animals can't be all bad.
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All Englishmen talk as if they've got a bushel of plums stuck in their throats, and then after swallowing them get constipated from the pips.
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Never give a sucker an even break.
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Once, during Prohibition, I was forced to live for days on nothing but food and water.
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Now don't say you can't swear off drinking; it's easy. I've done it a thousand times.
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All the men in my family were bearded, and most of the women.
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Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
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I drink therefore I am.
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To me, these biblical stories are just so many fish stories, and I'm not specifically referring to Jonah and the whale. I need indisputable proof of anything I'm asked to believe.