Funny Quotes
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I know jazz is completely un-American. But the reason why America doesn't like it is because it's not funny. We americans have made jazz funny.
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From 30 feet away she looked like a lot of class. From 10 feet away she looked like something made up to be seen from 30 feet away.
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I think the first rule of comedy is that it has to be funny and I find a lot of the broad comedy which is sent to me, painfully unfunny.
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I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.
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Sometimes you just have to put on lip gloss and pretend to be psyched.
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Nobody can misunderstand a boy like his own mother. Mothers at present can bring children into the world, but this performance is apt to mark the end of their capacities. They can't even attend to the elementary animal requirements of their offspring. It is quite surprising how many children survive in spite of their mothers.
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Progress is a continuing effort to make the things we eat, drink, and wear as good as they used to be.
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All I can do is keep my nose down and shoot the scene, shoot the scene, make it funny, make it funny, make it funny.
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The other day in the garage, I found a book report from the seventh grade that I did about silent movie stars. It's funny to look at now, because it really foretold what my future would be.
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
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I am very uncomfortable being romantic. I can be funny; I can be all over the place. I can be anything but romantic.
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But truly, women are amazing. Think about it this way: a woman can grow a baby inside her body. Then a woman can deliver the baby through her body. Then, by some miracle, a woman can feed a baby with her body. When you compare that to the male’s contribution to life, it’s kind of embarrassing, really.
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Misery acquaints a man with strange bedfellows.
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There's something innately funny and warm about being Jewish. I think it's something to be embraced and respected.
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I don't really find things funny unless they're deeply tragic at the same time. I think if you're funny just for the sake of being funny, it's just frivolous nonsense. To me, all the best comic plays have been written about really serious and rather bleak things.
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I see some people with glasses here, I trust people with glasses, don't you? But if you're wearing your glasses like this ... "Get away from 'em!"
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Old white guys can be a funny bunch, can't they? The same anti-same-sex marriage, anti-affirmative action cadre can flower into the biggest supporters of 'equality' the minute they get a whiff of minority empowerment.
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When people are funny, I like to let them know that they're funny. There's so much negativity, it's cool to get some positivity out there.
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I like Donald. I guess I shouldn't call him that. I like President Trump. He's affable. He's funny.
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Comedy came early. I knew when I was a kid that I was silly, and I knew that I liked people who were funny, but I don't think I knew I was funny. I didn't really think about it.
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He took the bride about the neck and kissed her lips with such a clamorous smack that at the parting all the church did echo.
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Fear is what makes comedy funny.
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Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."
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He is very dry but also very funny... I think people tend to feel odd when I do my act. Unless you are an ironic person, it's not a good place for you to be.
