Funny Quotes
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I'm on the Internet a lot more than I watch TV and most everybody I know is, and yet if you watch most late-night talk shows, it's as if it doesn't even exist. So the Internet, it's just something I wanted to make use of in some way. I was fascinated by what appeared to be a child singing this song. It just struck me as funny.
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You never want to be the worst bowler of the group-because then everyone treats you like you have cancer. "You can do it! We're praying for you." The advice starts. "Use a heavier ball." "Keep your arm straight." "You should get a vasectomy." If you're really bad at bowling like me, they'll ask if want the bumpers up. Not that bowling is that complex anyway. "You want the bumpers? We can get rid of the pins. Why don't you take this coloring book and sit in the corner?"
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When people are funny, I like to let them know that they're funny. There's so much negativity, it's cool to get some positivity out there.
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When you're in love it's the most glorious two and a half days of your life.
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You ever get a postcard, you get so excited you don't even read it! "Hey I got a - who cares."
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Every experience in your life is being orchestrated to teach you something you need to know to move forward.
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It's funny because being comedic and happy and lighthearted is who I am as a person, so they're easier emotions for me to connect with.
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The essays in The Great Taos Bank Robbery were my project to win a Master of Arts degree in English when I quit being a newspaper editor and went back to college.
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It's funny because Hollywood is such a small place that everyone really is less than 6 degrees of separation.
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It is funny because the guy who is my boss now, Howard Stern, has a similarity there. He got big being a regular guy. He wasn't the greatest looking guy in the world.
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Walked right by an ex-girlfriend today. Not on purpose, I just didn't recognize her with her mouth closed.
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I don't really find things funny unless they're deeply tragic at the same time. I think if you're funny just for the sake of being funny, it's just frivolous nonsense. To me, all the best comic plays have been written about really serious and rather bleak things.
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Everyone told me to pass on Speed because it was a 'bus movie.'
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Comedy came early. I knew when I was a kid that I was silly, and I knew that I liked people who were funny, but I don't think I knew I was funny. I didn't really think about it.
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Old white guys can be a funny bunch, can't they? The same anti-same-sex marriage, anti-affirmative action cadre can flower into the biggest supporters of 'equality' the minute they get a whiff of minority empowerment.
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I think it's cool to do stuff in a different language. Basically, I learned English through listening to rap. A lot of people think it's funny. But it's true; I used to try to get the accents.
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I do like dating cynics - they tend to be incredibly funny.
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Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year!
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People seem to enjoy things more when they know a lot of other people have been left out of the pleasure.
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If you don't like the news go out and make some of your own.
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Writing for young children I find I often use particular jokes with words and exaggerated, funny events, but some of these haunt the more complex stories for older children too.
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People are funny in the way that they choose to express themselves.
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When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
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Karaoke isn't fair when you're a comedian. The whole idea is to get people laughing and enjoying themselves, and I'm a professional funny guy.
