Funny Quotes
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A platitude is simply a truth repeated till people get tired of hearing it.
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Pie can't compete with cake. Put candles in a cake, it's a birthday cake. Put candles in a pie, someone's drunk in the kitchen.
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It's not like every male comic you meet is funny. Like, a lot of them are not funny.
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Every morning I hear the alarm, it's like "BEEP BEEP BEEP" For second I'm like, "I could get used to that, just dream I'm in a techno club, or something."
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When a thing is funny, search it carefully for a hidden truth.
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Young Frank Pastore may have pitched the biggest victory of 1979. Maybe the biggest victory of the year!
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It would have been a wonderful wedding - had it not been mine.
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It's fun to do something funny and have the director laughing. It makes you feel good.
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I don't mean he missed him, but he just didn't get him when he put the tag on him.
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I was raped by a doctor. Which is, you know, so bittersweet for a Jewish girl.
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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It's funny to think that at 22 years old, I was really burned out from being on the road for 10 years.
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We told each other every funny story we could think of. One of them stays in my mind. A German citizen wants to commit suicide. He tries to hang himself, but the rope is of such a poor quality that it breaks. He tries to drown himself, but the percentage of wood in the fabric of his pants is so high that he floats on the surface like a raft. Finally he starves to death from eating official government rations.
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My parents always told me to be myself. I was always funny and silly as a kid. And I would always make them laugh. And they always told me to dream big and follow those dreams.
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Never accept a drink from a urologist.
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I turned down 'Some Like It Hot.' See how smart I am? I felt I couldn't bring anything funny to it. The outfit was funny. I don't need to compete with the wardrobe.
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Hate is funny. Love isn't. Love can kill you. Hate can keep you alive.
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You can't really be strong until you see a funny side to things.
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I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.
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The best computer is a man, and it’s the only one that can be mass-produced by unskilled labor.
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Visiting Future World is like opening a Chinese fortune cookie to read, "Soon you'll be finished with dinner."
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Actually, the reason I look like this is because my father was from Sweden and my mother was Elton John.
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And regardless of the fact that in this country, certainly in the arts, we treat comedy as a second-class citizen, I've never thought of it that way. I've always thought it to be important. The last time I looked, the Greeks were holding up two masks. I've always thought of it not only as having equal value, but as the craft of it, being funny.
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I am the funny, crazy person.
