Funny Quotes
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It was a pretty posh place. They were so used to fur coats that two bears strolled in and ordered lunch and nobody even noticed.
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Learn from the masters, learn from your contemporaries. Always try to update yourself.
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You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
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Family life got better and we got our car back - as soon as we put 'I love Mom' on the license plate.
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I've always maintained that people that are funny and smart can do anything in film.
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Tell me, was it you or your brother who was killed in the war?
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I've seen George Foreman shadow boxing and the shadow won.
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My goal in life is to be as happy as a studio audience.
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Of all the things that make up what was home It’s funny how they make me feel alone
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Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.
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It's a funny thing, by the way, how people who love free markets are also quite sure that they know that investors are being irrational.
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Eric Show will be 0 for 10 if that pop fly ever comes down.
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Everybody blames the Jews for killing Christ, and the Jews try to pass it off on the Romans. I'm one of the few people who believes it was the blacks.
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He can be lethal death.
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Funny things happen to you in movies for silly reasons.
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'Indiana Jones' wasn't physically tough, but they are the only two films I've ever been ill on. On 'The Last Crusade,' I got sciatica. That's when the sciatic nerve, which goes through the funny hole in your pelvis down your leg, swells and rubs against the nerves.
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See, I don't really go after girls. Most of the girlfriends I've had have come after me. So it's really funny when girls get offended because I don't hit on them.
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She's a classy girl though, at least all her tattoos are spelt right.
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It's a bit embarrassing watching myself, but I couldn't get someone else to play me, that would've been stupid.
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You think you're funny? I think I'm adorable.
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The word 'Spanx' was funny. It made people laugh. No one ever forgot it.
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I never have free time, I don't know about you. You ever go to the cash machine, there's two people in line in front of you and you get kinda flustered, you're like "Forget it! I'm not standing here for 40 seconds. I got things to do, okay?"
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Viral videos aren't just about being funny. They're about identity creation.
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Rick Miller hit only one home run last year, and that's like hitting none.
