Funny Quotes
-
Grandma told me Mama was once caught by the Principal for writing in the front of her book, "In Case of Fire, Throw This in First." I have never had so much respect for Mama as the day I heard this.
-
I think religion is a funny thing because, when you see somebody who can really break it down, sometimes it feels foolish what you believe.
-
And the first five places are filled by five different cars.
-
The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.
-
My son did not show signs of a money deficiency until he opened his small fist in the nursery and found it was empty.
-
Everything is so weird in politics that it's very hard to be funny about it, I think.
-
Anybody with a sense of humor is going to put on my album and laugh from beginning to end.
-
When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again.
-
When I was 40, my doctor advised me that a man in his 40s shouldn't play tennis. I heeded his advice carefully and could hardly wait until I reached 50 to start again.
-
I can go right, I can go left, I'm amphibious.
-
As with anything that involves emotional pain, comedy isn't too far behind. There's that element of no matter how painful something is - as long as it is not you that is going through it - it can be funny.
-
I went to the dentist. He said "Say Aaah." I said "Why?" He said "My dog's died."
-
No volleyball play can begin without a serve, and the serve is the only technique that is totally under your control. In other endeavors, you cannot succeed without believing in yourself, and that belief is completely under your control.
-
I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
-
So there I was lying in the gutter. A man stopped and asked '"What's the matter? Did you fall over?" So I said "No. I've a bar of toffee in my back pocket and I was just trying to break it."
-
That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year.
-
Anything happens in Grand Prix racing, and it usually does.
-
She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.
-
You didn't have to say it was gone. It was gone before it got outta here. It was going that fast.
-
Chris Elliott could read the phonebook and he's funny.
-
The way he was playing, he probably could have scored on Jesus.
-
Last night's homer was Stargell's 399th career home run, leaving him one shy of 500.
-
It will be funny in about 10 years.
-
I think the second you think that you're funny is when you stop being funny.
