Funny Quotes
-
That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
-
I'm funny because I'm funny. And there's more to offer.
-
When you're out of sight for as long as I was, there's a funny feeling of betrayal that comes over people when they see you again.
-
The history of those who shed those other tears, the history of those anonymous millions, is what Terkel wants readers and listeners to come away with. What's it like to be that goofy little soldier, scared stiff, with his bayonet aimed at Christ? What's it like to have been a woman in a defense-plant job during World War II? What's it like to be a kid at the front lines? It's all funny and tragic at the same time.
-
I saw this college team bowling championship. Each team had their own coach. What kind of strategy advice is a bowling coach giving? "You know what? This time Timmy, I want you to knock down all the pins." "You sure?" "Trust me. Just do it son!"
-
It's so hard to believe in anything anymore, you know what I mean? It's like, religion, you really can't take it seriously, 'cause it seems so mythological, and seems so arbitrary; and then on the other hand, science is just pure empiricism, and by virtue of its method, it excludes metaphysics. I guess I wouldn't believe in anything if it weren't for my lucky astrology mood watch.
-
Since I became more confident, I've thought, 'Right, let me get myself on the market'. So I joined Tinder and Chappie, and it was funny because, at first, the sites thought I was an imposter.
-
I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.
-
As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.
-
It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.
-
Getting fan mail from Brazil is kind of funny.
-
If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
-
I can be educational, but if I'm not funny and entertaining, too, who's going to come and listen to me or watch me on TV.
-
The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.
-
An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
-
The last time Pena faced the Padres, the Dodgers scratched for a run to tie the game and then went on to win 4-0.
-
You might want to put this in the back of your craw and think about it.
-
With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
-
Houston has its largest crowd of the night here this evening.
-
As long as the wrong feels right - it's like I'm in flight.
-
That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
-
A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
-
It's pretty funny when we go out to countries where the drinking age is 13 or 14, and we all go to bars and order and drink some stuff. Our parents will go, 'Hey!' And we go, 'We are legal to drink here!'
-
McCovey swings and misses, and it's fouled back.
