Funny Quotes
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As humourless a lump of dough as ever held a torchlight vigil outside the South African Embassy or stuck an AIDS awareness ribbon on an unwilling first-nighter.
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Getting fan mail from Brazil is kind of funny.
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If I raised my hand to wipe the hair out of my children's eyes, they'd flinch and call their attorney.
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She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.
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You couldn't hope to make a drama and have people rewriting on the day and having the actors making suggestions, "Wouldn't it be funny if my character did this?" "No. You're the actor. I'll tell you what to do."
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This circuit is interesting because it has inclines and declines. Not just up, but down as well.
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I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.
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I have lost friends, some by death...others by sheer inability to cross the street.
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An original idea. That can't be too hard. The library must be full of them.
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Since I became more confident, I've thought, 'Right, let me get myself on the market'. So I joined Tinder and Chappie, and it was funny because, at first, the sites thought I was an imposter.
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The operation was a success, but I'm afraid the doctor is dead.
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It's a base hit on the error by Roberts.
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Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.
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It is easy to forget that the most important aspect of comedy, after all, its great saving grace, is its ambiguity. You can simultaneously laugh at a situation, and take it seriously.
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I was always funny, but I didn't know being funny was a gift.
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I challenge anyone, even with a radar machine, to hit that slider.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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A member of the committee slapped a name tag over my left bosom. "What shall we name the other one?" I smiled. She was not amused.
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I believe in equality. Equality for everybody. No matter how stupid they are or how superior I am to them.
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It's pretty funny when we go out to countries where the drinking age is 13 or 14, and we all go to bars and order and drink some stuff. Our parents will go, 'Hey!' And we go, 'We are legal to drink here!'
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I can go right, I can go left, I'm amphibious.
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With all the precautions and risks that accompany sex today, it sounds about as much fun as walking through a minefield.
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With two laps to go then the action will begin, unless this is the action, which it is.
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That's the fourth extra base hit for the Padres - two doubles and a triple.
