Funny Quotes
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I had examined myself pretty thoroughly and discovered that I was unfit for military service.
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Why get married and make one man miserable when I can stay single and make thousands miserable?
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That big guy, Winfield, at 6'6", can do things only a small man can do.
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That's the first time he had started from the front row in a Grand Prix, having done so in Canada earlier this year.
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If I'm in a serious play, I often think to myself, 'I could make that line funny.'
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I'm a bitter, sad, sour young man who makes a career out of hastling people with real careers.
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What was the idea behind Hot Pockets? Was there a marketing meeting somewhere, 'Hey I got an idea: How about we take a Pop-Tart and fill it with really nasty meat? You could cook it in a sleeve thing, and you could dunk it in the toilet.'
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As long as the wrong feels right - it's like I'm in flight.
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I admit to spending a fortune on women, booze and gambling... the rest I spend foolishly.
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The way he was playing, he probably could have scored on Jesus.
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And the first three cars are all Escorts, which isn't surprising as this is an all Escort race.
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And there's no damage to the car. Except to the car itself.
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Next to music beer was best.
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As long as you're excited about what you're playing, and as long as it comes from your heart, it's going to be great.
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I can go right, I can go left, I'm amphibious.
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It's funny: most people who recognize me on the subway and stuff - it's much more they think of me as a funny guy. I get much more of people telling me how much I make them laugh, actually. Which is nice.
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"Ladies and Gentlemen, we're about to begin boarding. If we could ask for your cooperation, please stay seated until you row has been called." ... That's what they say - but somehow, by the time it comes out of the speaker, it sounds like, "Everybody up and rush the door! Everybody up and try to squeeze your big fat butts in the small gate door area! Immediately! ... Do whatever you have to do to get on board. This is the last helicopter out of Vietnam!"
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She's strong! And scary...I bet she's single...I'd put money on it.
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The Padres are really swinging some hot hats tonight!
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At school I was very shy. I wasn't funny really.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Don't repeat the lies of the liars.
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It's lap 26 of 58, which unless I'm very much mistaken is half way.
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Life's pretty funny when you're objectively on the outside looking at it.
