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I don't understand art-speak. My pictures are big doodles. I'm amazed what people come up with when they look at them. There's one of a figure with two heads that somebody thought must be a comment on the state of matrimony. None of it is a comment on anything.
Billy Connolly -
I've always wanted to go to Switzerland to see what the army does with those wee red knives.
Billy Connolly
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I don't have wild dogs chasing people with scripts away from my door. I get my share. I've done okay. But I usually do independent stuff because that's mostly what I'm offered.
Billy Connolly -
My parents used to take me to the pet department and tell me it was a zoo.
Billy Connolly -
I love Los Angeles. It reinvents itself every two days.
Billy Connolly -
I don't believe in angels and I have trouble with the whole God thing. I don't want to say I don't believe in God, but I don't think I do. But I believe in people who do.
Billy Connolly -
I know at least... oh my God, at least 127 words. And I still prefer 'Fuck'.
Billy Connolly -
The great thing about Glasgow is that if there's a nuclear attack it'll look exactly the same afterwards.
Billy Connolly
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Don't tell me how to do my job. I don't come to your workplace and tell you how to sweep up.
Billy Connolly -
Did your mother never tell you not to drink on an empty head?
Billy Connolly -
It seems to me that Islam and Christianity and Judaism all have the same god, and he's telling them all different things.
Billy Connolly -
I loathe hecklers. I haven't got a good syllable to say. When you come out of the club circuit and into the concert hall, they should be gone. There's an element of manners that should tell you that the ticket is dear and it's a different venue.
Billy Connolly -
Marriage is a wonderful invention: then again, so is a bicycle repair kit.
Billy Connolly