Mallory Ortberg Quotes
Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!'

Quotes to Explore
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Burroughs called his greatest novel 'Naked Lunch,' by which he meant it's what you see on the end of a fork. Telling the truth. It's very difficult to do that in fiction because the whole process of writing fiction is a process of sidestepping the truth. I think he got very close to it, in his way, and I hope I've done the same in mine.
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It's like everybody is shooting something, and everybody's a filmmaker; everybody can shoot a cat video and post it. So the big thing now is - for people that have talent and have something to say, and are creative, and are capable of making something good - is how do they get attention to it?
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The environmental movement, like all political processes, reacts best to disasters. But these are very slow, very gradual disasters in the making.
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Sharing is the essence of social media.
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They do not understand Islam, and I think that is one area where perhaps I hope one day I will play a role in actually making people understand what we perceive Islam to be.
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I accidentally entered a youth pageant when I was 14. That's like a beauty pageant, but without the beauty. It was terrible.
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There are no opportune times for a penalty, and this is not one of those times.
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I am aware of the sufferings of women in India, which is also the suffering of women in many, many countries on our planet. My heart is filled with empathy and love for them.
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What Whitney Houston has accomplished will never be accomplished. She's the most famous person on the planet as far as vocaling and her songs. So I'm very happy that I can sit here and say I had a chance to know her. And I'm still dazed that she's gone. But she lives because her music is so powerful.
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I like it when somebody tells me a story, and I actually really feel that that's becoming like a lost art in American cinema.
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I have been a Republican, and I've worked in Republican circles for so long, and I know that there are really smart, good policy ideas that are grounded in conservative ideology that could be persuasive for women, especially in an election where no one was really excited about either candidate.
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The University of South Carolina has always played a role in my life and the intellectual life of South Carolina.
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Frankly speaking, it's only the script that matters to me the most. If I like the script, then I just commit to myself and go ahead with it. But I also look at the commitment and confidence of the director of the film because it's him who will shape the film.
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I love reading books that can break my heart.
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Size has nothing to do with literature. All legs are long enough to touch the ground, and all books are big enough to fill their covers.
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America is rather like life. You can usually find in it what you look for. It will probably be interesting, and it is sure to be large.
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With 'The Simpsons,' people didn't know what they were gonna see. They didn't have a clue.
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I think that there should be options available, quite early on, that if someone is recognised as a disruptive child, for them to be trained vocationally. Maybe if those kids were given the option to learn how to contribute to society on a practical level they wouldn't get into trouble.
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I never resented anybody for being successful.
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You want to take a charge from LeBron James coming down the lane with no helmet on - that's dangerous. But you know what? Some people like to do that stuff. So leave them alone.
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When I first started writing music, it was to express that. I was trying to find God and trying to find meaning in my life. That's what my music was about. It wasn't to entertain.
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If you carry joy in your heart, you can heal any moment.
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France is not poetic; she even feels, in fact, a congenital horror of poetry. Among the writers who use verse, those whom she will always prefer are the most prosaic.
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Usually my writing is very over the top and bombastic and very, like, 'I'm amazing! Look at me!'