Jay London Quotes
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I went to an audition the other day, they were casting 13 people to be clouds. 14 people showed up, it was overcast.
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You know what burns me? Matches.
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People read me but they don't subscribe.
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I saw a stationery store move.
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I went to the doctor and he said I had acute appendicitis, and I said compared to who?
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I recorded my hair this morning, tonight I'm watching the highlights.
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I work at Bed Bath and Beyond. I work in the Beyond section. When someone asks me where the Bath section is, I say 'It's beyond me.'
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I went to the store and bought lady fingers, when I got home I noticed one of the fingers was missing so I went back to the store and the manager was nice enough to give me the finger.
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So how do you like my overall look? (Jay's usual stage attire was bib overalls)
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I model irregular clothing.
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After all these years I had the privilege of naming my private part, cause we have nicknames. So I named my private part pride... it's not much but at least I have my pride.
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I told my therapist I was having nightmares about nuclear explosions. He said don't worry it's not the end of the world.
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I was going to buy a book on hair loss, but the pages kept falling out.
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Does anybody know what I'm doing up here?
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Do you know it was a year a ago today?
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My whole family is lactose intolerant and when we take pictures we can't say cheese.
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I dated a partially nude model, and she did a half-assed job.
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I saw a sign it said left lane closed so I went someplace else.
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I'm on performance enhancing drugs, so I may cause drowsiness.
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A window of opportunity for me usually involves a rock.
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My father would take me to the playground, and put me on mood swings.
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Did you know that today will never be tomorrow.
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I went to a record store and asked for 50 cent. They kicked me out for pan-handling.
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My girlfriend has crabs, I bought her fishnet stockings.