Jen Lancaster Quotes
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Writing is something that I've always loved. That stems from my love of being a reader.
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I believe that I have such a vanilla life.
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Beauty pageants, you're only judged once. Sorority rush, you have to go through 20 parties.
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When I got laid off, I would write my friends these 15-page-long emails. This was before people had personal emails, and my friends would tell me that I was going to get them fired if I kept sending them stuff, so I started a website.
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As a reader, I notice political views regardless of whether or not the book is fiction. What annoys me is when said views do nothing to advance the narrative.
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There's nothing fun about stuff like estate planning, getting mammograms, or talking to a guy about long term disability insurance, but do it anyway. Trust me, the stress of not having done the above is prematurely aging.
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If I had kids, I'd probably be way over-protective, researching everything they begged to see to make sure the content was appropriate.
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I'm a humor writer, so I don't always present myself in the best light.
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Here's a bit of Discovery Channel for you - apples don't last forever. They can stay fresh for a long time, especially when refrigerated, but definitely not from December into the month of March.
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I am going to embarrass myself. I have accepted that fact, and that's just how it's going to be.
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I married a man who isn't afraid to wash a dish, scrub a toilet, or have his unibrow waxed into submission by a licensed professional.
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I didn't understand the Kindle's true value until I finished an e-book on the beach. In sixty seconds - and without benefit of pants - I had brand-new reading material at my fingertips.
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Expressing political opinion can be a powerful way to establish a character's voice when writing fiction.
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Remember when Japan was cool? We used to run around with 'Mr. Roboto' on our Walkmans, 'The Karate Kid' in our Betamaxes and wore T-shirts embossed with the characters for 'storm sewer' and 'dishwasher.'
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You can't all of a sudden go to sleep one night and wake up Martha Stewart. It's bit by bit by bit.
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For me, my party views don't advance my narrative. Until I can find a way to write political satire like my idols Christopher Buckley or P.J. O'Rourke, I'll simply say what team I play for and leave it at that.
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I just thank God my husband and I found each other before the advent of social media. I can't imagine dating someone and seeing what they're doing on their Facebook page. And people breaking up with each other over texts now? We had to break up with each other face to face back then.
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I believe that I have such a vanilla life. But maybe I come with a different perspective. I'm always trying to improve myself.
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If I were to run for president, then people would debate the pros and cons of what's wrong with me in increasingly aggressive 140 character tweets and Facebook status updates, and, inevitably, everyone would end up fighting.
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When you think about a drill sergeant, a drill sergeant expects you to perform your best, and if you don't, they're going to stay on you until you do.
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I can clean my own house. Now, maybe a couple of times a year we have a cleaning crew come in before we have a party, but otherwise, I'm able to maintain it myself.
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I learned to glitter the pumpkins for Halloween not because I went into it thinking, 'I'm going to glitter some pumpkins!' No. I bought all of these big, cold, slimy, disgusting pumpkins and tried to carve them, and it was gross, so I had to find something else to do with them. Glitter was life-changing.
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Unless 'Wii Fit' stops acting like a mean girl, it's over between us forever.
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Everyone who reads me is someone I'd like to hang out with.