Jerome K. Jerome Quotes
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There are the goods; if you want them, you can have them. If you do not want them, they would almost rather that you did not come and talk about them.
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Idleness, like kisses, to be sweet must be stolen.
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I attribute the quarrelsome nature of the Middle Ages young men entirely to the want of the soothing weed.
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It is always the best policy to speak the truth, unless, of course, you are an exceptionally good liar.
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Contented, unambitious people are all very well in their way. They form a neat, useful background for great portraits to be painted against, and they make a respectable, if not particularly intelligent, audience for the active spirits of the age to play before. I have not a word to say against contented people so long as they keep quiet.
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Tears are as sweet as laughter to some natures.
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Swearing relieves the feelings-that is what swearing does. I explained this to my aunt on one occasion, but it didn't answer with her. She said I had no business to have such feelings.
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I like work; it fascinates me. I can sit and look at it for hours.
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Ambitious people are the leaven which raises it into wholesome bread. Without ambitious people the world would never get up. They are busybodies who are about early in the morning, hammering, shouting, and rattling the fire-irons, and rendering it generally impossible for the rest of the house to remain in bed.
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No, what was sad in his case was that he, who didn’t care for carved oak, should have his drawing-room panelled with it, while people who do care for it have to pay enormous prices to get it. It seems to be the rule of this world. Each person has what he doesn’t want, and other people have what he does want.
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Conceit is the finest armour a man can wear.
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Too much of anything is a mistake, as the man said when his wife presented him with four new healthy children in one day. We should practice moderation in all matters.
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Love is too pure a light to burn long among the noisome gases that we breathe, but before it is choked out we may use it as a torch to ignite the cozy fire of affection.
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It is only in sleep that true imagination ever stirs within us. Awake, we never imagine anything; we merely alter, vary, or transpose. We give another twist to the kaleidoscope of the things we see around us, and obtain another pattern; but not one of us has ever added one tiniest piece of new glass to the toy.
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Nothing is more beautiful than the love that has weathered the storms of life. The love of the young for the young, that is the beginning of life. But the love of the old for the old, that is the beginning of things longer.
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Time is but the shadow of the world upon the background of Eternity.
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All is vanity and everybody's vain. Women are terribly vain. So are men - more so, if possible.
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If you are foolish enough to be contented, don't show it, but grumble with the rest.
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in the unliterary grammar of life, where the future tense stands first, and the past is formed, not from the indefinite, but from the present indicative, 'to have been' is 'to be'.
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A man rarely carries his shyness past the hobbledehoy period. Even if his own inward strength does not throw it off, the rubbings of the world generally smooth it down.
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A poor gasping, blushing creature, with trembling knees and twitching hands, is a painful sight to every one, and if it cannot cure itself, the sooner it goes and hangs itself the better.
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It is very strange, this domination of our intellect by our digestive organs. We cannot work, we cannot think, unless our stomach wills so. It dictates to us our emotions, our passions.
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We drink one another's health and spoil our own.
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It seems so sad to see the little dirt-grimed brats try to play in the noisy courts and muddy streets. Poor little uncared-for, unwanted human atoms, they are not children. Children are bright-eyed, chubby, and shy. These are dingy, screeching elves, their tiny faces seared and withered, their baby laughter cracked and hoarse.