Bryan Callen Quotes
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Guys want a 500 horsepower car. I'd rather have one horsepower - in a horse. That's macho. You go to pick up your date and you show up on a horse.
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Stand-up comedy is all you. It's your show, it's your game. You control every aspect of it - of that experience and that expression. There's really nothing quite as satisfying.
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I've always wanted to be a brooding, deep, dark artist, but I can never keep that facade going for more than 15 minutes.
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I celebrate masculinity when I'm onstage.
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If you're the Rolling Stones, you can sing 'Start Me Up' for 35 years, and people still cheer.
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Comedy is surprise. Comedy is not something that you can, necessarily, do twice.
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As an actor, you're never busy enough.
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It's always a shock to me when I get recognized.
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Some comics really thrive on being disrespectful, especially toward women, and it's somehow understood as edgy, but I'm the opposite. I've never liked curse words for that reason.
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One of the beautiful things about podcasting is that I'm not beholding to some public entity.
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My dad's idea of punishment was to dress me up in all green to disguise me as grass, and then throw me in the pasture. Cows bit me all over.
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If you actually get down to the nitty-gritty of the average Pakistani, the average Indian, the average whoever, what you really do know emotionally is that they're exactly the same.
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My parents were really nice to me.
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Compare sending someone a text message and getting a love letter delivered by carrier pigeon. No contest.
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Women find men attractive who are aggressive... but later on, they get worried that that aggression, that alpha energy, is going to be turned back against them and their children.
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I'm always driven to keep doing something different and better.
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I don't know much, but I like talking to people who know a lot more than I do.
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There are so many hot, sexy women in L.A.
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My point of view is that men are basically animals, and I'm okay with that.
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You go into an audition, you're either the one or you're not, and if you're not, you go home. And I kind of like that. If you're really good, and you're the best guy in the room that day, you get the job.