Jim Gaffigan Quotes
My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.
Quotes to Explore
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In the governments, as we've witnessed in the past, they had to hide. Because there's a lot of concentration on the friends-and-family club... We're not about that. That's not the government of the future of the State of New York. What's gonna pull this state out of the doldrums that it's in right now is an honest and open government.
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I'm always on the phone because I'm usually not with the people I want to be with.
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When I was in jail, I was a lot of people's favorite person. I practically ran the jail. I had more freedom than the police.
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You will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside.
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I don't know how people recognize me.
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I have a Stella McCartney Adidas sports bra. I feel like I'm totally comfortable running. No problem. I have support where I need it.
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Several of the energy companies want to do the right thing. It's a matter of leveling the playing field though for them and that's why corrective action here is necessary.
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What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us.
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I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
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You don't make it anywhere without someone helping you out.
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I'm just willing to try different things. But you gotta keep it all making sense.
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Starting in the third grade, my dad had me read the 'Denver Post.' I had to discuss two articles with him before dinner, and we would also watch '60 Minutes' together.
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'Radioactive' is the fall out of my life's inspirations, a testament to my ability to survive it all and to tell the story.
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I didn't want there to be a computer on stage. When I see people with computers on stage, I think, 'Are you sending e-mail?' That's so corny.
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I'm not an employee who goes to the office every morning at the same time. Then, vacations are needed.
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For me, it's an experiment to see what people are gonna think of it.
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It's definitely a necessity to make split-second decisions when you're doing gymnastics because things don't always go perfect.
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We treat old people so badly. There is nothing easy about 80.
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At this very moment I'm behind on a compilation that Slave Labor is doing for Free Comic Book Day.
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This upper limit, of earth at our feet is visible and touches the air, but below it reaches to infinity
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Problems tend to be put into their proper perspective the moment we get off SELF, and on PURPOSE. By choosing your purpose in life - a purpose that serves the greater good - and devoting the majority of your time, energy, and attention everyday toward living it, you discover the secret to a life of fulfillment.
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My father was the president of the Hearst Corporation, and my parents were close friends of the Duke and Duchess of Windsor, and they all had pugs.
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He was a great man. And he was also me.
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My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.
