Jim Gaffigan Quotes
My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.
Quotes to Explore
-
In the governments, as we've witnessed in the past, they had to hide. Because there's a lot of concentration on the friends-and-family club... We're not about that. That's not the government of the future of the State of New York. What's gonna pull this state out of the doldrums that it's in right now is an honest and open government.
-
I'm always on the phone because I'm usually not with the people I want to be with.
-
When I was in jail, I was a lot of people's favorite person. I practically ran the jail. I had more freedom than the police.
-
You will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside.
-
I don't know how people recognize me.
-
I have a Stella McCartney Adidas sports bra. I feel like I'm totally comfortable running. No problem. I have support where I need it.
-
Several of the energy companies want to do the right thing. It's a matter of leveling the playing field though for them and that's why corrective action here is necessary.
-
What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us.
-
I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
-
You don't make it anywhere without someone helping you out.
-
I'm just willing to try different things. But you gotta keep it all making sense.
-
Starting in the third grade, my dad had me read the 'Denver Post.' I had to discuss two articles with him before dinner, and we would also watch '60 Minutes' together.
-
'Radioactive' is the fall out of my life's inspirations, a testament to my ability to survive it all and to tell the story.
-
I didn't want there to be a computer on stage. When I see people with computers on stage, I think, 'Are you sending e-mail?' That's so corny.
-
I'm not an employee who goes to the office every morning at the same time. Then, vacations are needed.
-
For me, it's an experiment to see what people are gonna think of it.
-
It's definitely a necessity to make split-second decisions when you're doing gymnastics because things don't always go perfect.
-
We treat old people so badly. There is nothing easy about 80.
-
The first theater subscription I ever bought was the August Wilson season at Signature. I remember thinking a whole season to one playwright was a great way for a master to do a victory lap.
-
Crushed to earth and rising again is an author's gymnastic. Once he fails to struggle to his feet and grab his pen, he will contemplate a fact he should never permit himself to face: that in all probability books have been written, are being written, will be written, better than anything he has done, is doing, or will do.
-
I was always into staying busy, into my goals, into making notes and planning. I'm not one who truly lives in the past.
-
I grow old on my bitterness.
-
I don't have credibility, I'm a comedian.
-
My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.
