Jim Gaffigan Quotes
My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.
Quotes to Explore
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In the governments, as we've witnessed in the past, they had to hide. Because there's a lot of concentration on the friends-and-family club... We're not about that. That's not the government of the future of the State of New York. What's gonna pull this state out of the doldrums that it's in right now is an honest and open government.
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I'm always on the phone because I'm usually not with the people I want to be with.
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When I was in jail, I was a lot of people's favorite person. I practically ran the jail. I had more freedom than the police.
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You will never cease to be the most amazed person on earth at what God has done for you on the inside.
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I don't know how people recognize me.
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I have a Stella McCartney Adidas sports bra. I feel like I'm totally comfortable running. No problem. I have support where I need it.
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Several of the energy companies want to do the right thing. It's a matter of leveling the playing field though for them and that's why corrective action here is necessary.
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What we seek we shall find; what we flee from flees from us.
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I care not much for a man's religion whose dog and cat are not the better for it.
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You don't make it anywhere without someone helping you out.
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I'm just willing to try different things. But you gotta keep it all making sense.
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Starting in the third grade, my dad had me read the 'Denver Post.' I had to discuss two articles with him before dinner, and we would also watch '60 Minutes' together.
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'Radioactive' is the fall out of my life's inspirations, a testament to my ability to survive it all and to tell the story.
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I didn't want there to be a computer on stage. When I see people with computers on stage, I think, 'Are you sending e-mail?' That's so corny.
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I'm not an employee who goes to the office every morning at the same time. Then, vacations are needed.
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For me, it's an experiment to see what people are gonna think of it.
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It's definitely a necessity to make split-second decisions when you're doing gymnastics because things don't always go perfect.
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We treat old people so badly. There is nothing easy about 80.
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I used to go to the Church of the Harvest, right off Adams and La Brea. There was a pastor there who had the best big choir and the best band. He would start praying, and the music would start playing and just make people feel so good, you could break out of whatever you were going through. Soft music can have that effect, too.
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I do not mind having written the song at all. I just wish that I had written it in a different key, as the high d is hard to play. I am glad that I wrote something that brought joy to millions of people.
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The most unrealistic person in the world is the cynic, not the dreamer.
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Golf is the hardest game in the world. There is no way you can ever get it. Just when you think you do, the game jumps up and puts you in your place.
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Jessica Alba. I have the biggest crush on her, I can't even tell you. I met her in Vancouver when she was filming 'Good Luck Chuck.'
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My wife told me that in the Bible, Abraham circumcised himself... wow! I can't even get to the bank before it closes.
