Jim Gaffigan Quotes

Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.

Jim Gaffigan

• Jesus
• Son
• Cures
• Blindness

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Quotes to Explore

• I freakin' hate Twitter, man. I honestly don't understand the purpose of it.

  

  Landon Liboiron
  • Man
  • Hate
  • Purpose

• Socrates was famously executed for his philosophical and political beliefs. I wondered what would happen if you had a similar character, who was so relentlessly questioning of everything? In a modern society, would we be any more or any less tolerant of that kind of character?

  

  Samantha Harvey
  • Character
  • Society
  • Political

• I have all of the Apple products. Everything I've ever written, I've written on a Mac. My first computer, my roommates and I chipped in, and we got that first Macintosh - 128K. It had as much memory as a greeting card that plays music.

  

  Aaron Sorkin
  • Music
  • Memory
  • Apple

• I'm just an ordinary, walking-down-the-street, mother of two children who sings for her supper.

  

  Eddi Reader
  • Children
  • Mother
  • Street

• I'd love to have William Faulkner, Beethoven and Bach over. I want to find out what makes those guys tick!

  

  Candy Crowley
  • Love
  • Want
  • Find

• I've been an entrepreneur all my life, and my recent focus is on finding entrepreneurial solutions to address global challenges in healthcare and education.

  

  Naveen Jain
  • Life
  • Education
  • Focus

• Look at London or Paris: they're both filthy. You don't get that in Tokyo. The proud residents look after their city.

  

  Tadao Ando
  • City
  • Proud
  • Paris

• If you don't drive your business, you will be driven out of business.

  

  B. C. Forbes
  • Business
  • You
  • Drive

• I definitely have a real self-destructive streak.

  

  Florence Welch Florence and the Machine
  • Real
  • Definitely
  • Streak

• I simply believe that people who respect their customers and have faith in their own technology products should welcome competition and that consumer choice should be a paramount value in retailing.

  

  Walt Mossberg
  • People
  • Believe
  • Faith

• The battleground has been moderates of all faith traditions in all the countries of the world against the radicals of all faith traditions in all parts of the world.

  

  Feisal Abdul Rauf
  • World
  • Faith
  • Traditions

• In effect, you cannot stop Iraq from growing nasty bugs in the basement. You can stop them from putting operational warheads on working missiles and launching them at their neighbors.

  

  Barton Gellman
  • You
  • Growing
  • Stop

• It's very strange that you condemn me as a terrorist at the same time as you call on me to help you combat terrorism in Iraq and elsewhere. It doesn't make sense!

  

  Walid Muallem
  • Time
  • Help
  • Me

• I think the forms of terrorism are becoming very diverse, amongst them cyber-terrorism, for example.

  

  Yoshihiko Noda
  • Think
  • Example
  • Terrorism

• When I was back to 100 per cent fitness, I was able to show what I was capable of. I like to think I will bring a freshness into the Euros, and now that I am captain, I am going to do my best to take responsibility.

  

  Eden Hazard
  • Responsibility
  • Fitness
  • Capable

• My family is a middle-class family. When I grew up and learned how much it actually cost for us to play hockey, I could not believe that my parents let us play as long as they did.

  

  J. J. Watt
  • Up
  • Believe
  • Long

• Anyone who has seen me spin that heavy, giant wheel on television knows that I'm not a steroid user.

  

  Pat Sajak
  • Me
  • Television
  • Wheel

• I then moved to the University of Western Ontario where I was made a full professor in 1985.

  

  J. Philippe Rushton
  • Where
  • University
  • Professor

• There’s a whiff of the lynch mob or the lemming migration about any overlarge concentration of like-thinking individuals, no matter how virtuous their cause.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Thinking

• It was the elision of the weaker element - the survival of the fittest; and some, indeed very many, mothers must lose their sons that way.

  

  Zane Grey
  • Survival

• I would hate for climate change to be accepted simply because everyone was dying.

  

  Chuck Klosterman
  • Hate
  • Dying
  • Climate Change

• A Vulgar Mechanick can practice what he has been taught or seen done, but if he is in an error he knows not how to find it out and correct it, and if you put him out of his road he is at a stand. Whereas he that is able to reason nimbly and judiciously about figure, force, and motion, is never at rest till he gets over every rub. (from a letter dated 25 May, 1694)

  

  Isaac Newton
  • Practice
  • Vulgar
  • Mechanick

• The entrepreneurial bug had already bitten my son Ankur by the time he got to college. As a lifelong entrepreneur, I certainly didn't want to dampen his enthusiasm by telling him he couldn't do it, but I also wanted to make sure it was balanced with the proper attention to his studies.

  

  Naveen Jain
  • Time
  • Attention
  • College

• Jesus if you could cure our son's blindness that'd be great... And we'd love some shelves over there.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Jesus
  • Son
  • Cures