Joe Orton Quotes
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Mrs Prentice: My uterine contractions have been bogus for some time!Prentice: What a discovery! Married to the mistress of the fraudulent climax.
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McLeavy: Has no one considered my feelings in all this?Truscott: What percentage do you want?McLeavy: I don't want money. I'm an honest man.Truscott: You'll have to mend your ways then.
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The humble and meek are thirsting for blood.
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Dennis: She's turned me down. She's broken my heart.Hal: She doesn't know what she is missing, baby.Dennis: But she does! That's what's so humiliating.
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The kind of people who always go on about whether a thing is in good taste invariably have very bad taste.
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Mrs Prentice: Have you taken up transvestism? I'd no idea our marriage teetered on the edge of fashion.
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Fay: Have you given a thought to the priest?Truscott: We can't have him in on it, miss. Our percentage wouldn't be worth having.Fay: Mr McLeavy threatened to expose us.Truscott: I've been exposed before.Fay: What happened?Truscott: I arrested the man. He's doing twelve years.
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With insanity, as with vomit, it is the passerby who receives the inconvenience.
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On our way home we were waiting for the bus when a very fat, pompous-looking woman reeled out of a pub shouting, 'Melancholia? Ad nauseam.'
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Usual messages from the heads of the establishment. The Queen from Windsor, the Pope from Rome: Pilate and Caiaphas celebrating the birth of Christ.
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Fay: You've been a widower for three days. Have you considered remarrying yet?McLeavy: No.Fay: Why not?McLeavy: I've been so busy with the funeral.
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Truscott: And you complain you were beaten?Dennis: Yes.Truscott: Did you tell anyone?Dennis: Yes.Truscott: Who?Dennis: The officer in charge.Truscott: What did he say?Dennis: Nothing.Truscott: Why not?Dennis: He was out of breath with kicking.
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Geraldine: We must tell the truth!Prentice: That's a thoroughly defeatist attitude.
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Geraldine: I've no idea who my father was.Prentice: I'd better be frank, Miss Barclay. I can't employ you if you're in any way miraculous. It would be contrary to established practice. You did have a father?Geraldine: Oh, I'm sure I did. My mother was frugal in her habits, but she'd never economize unwisely.
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Prentice: My nerves are on edge.Rance: You should consult a qualified psychiatrist.Prentice: I am a qualified psychiatrist.Rance: You're a fool. That isn't quite the same thing. Though, in your case, the two may have much in common.
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Fay: The Ten Commandments. She was a great believer in some of them.
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Fay: I'm innocent till I'm proved guilty. This is a free country. The law is impartial.Truscott: Who's been filling your head with that rubbish?Fay: I can't be had for anything. You've no proof.Truscott: When I make out my report I shall say you've given me a confession. It could prejudice your case if I have to forge one.
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Fay: Have you known him long?Hal: We shared the same cradle.Fay: Was that economy or malpractice?Hal: We were too young then to practice and economics still defeat us.
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I'd the upbringing a nun would envy. Until I was fifteen I was more familiar with Africa than my own body.
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Truscott (shouting, knocking Hal to the floor): Under any other political system I'd have you on the floor in tears!Hal (crying): You've got me on the floor in tears!
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Prentice: Unnatural vice can ruin a man.Rance: Ruin follows the accusation not the vice.
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Prentice: It's ridiculous. I'm a married man.Match: Marriage excuses no one the freaks' roll-call.
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Rance: A search party must be organized. What have you in the way of dogs?Prentice: A spaniel and a miniature poodle.Rance: Let them be unleashed!
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Rance: Were your relations with your secretary normal?Prentice: Yes.Rance: Well, Prentice, your private life is your own affair. I find it shocking none the less.