John Mulaney Quotes
You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
Quotes to Explore
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If only Queen Elizabeth II had the intellectual, political and linguistic skills of Queen Elizabeth I, many people would support giving her some of the powers of an elected president.
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The chief incalculable in war is the human will.
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I always say three things make a writer: inspiration, obviously; perspiration, doing the work. But the third is desperation. I'm not really fit for anything else, or to have a real job. That fear drives me. The pressure has always been self inflicted.
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As cheesy as it sounds, all my eggs were never in just one basket. I had a thousand baskets going on.
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As governor, I'm spending my time focused in three areas: creating jobs, reducing the expense of government and schools.
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I come from really humble people. We never had a lot.
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I used to think drinking was the only way to be happy. Now I know there is no way to be happy.
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There will not be a billion-shekel cut to education on my watch.
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I used to work at NASA in Virginia. It was nothing glamorous; I was just tasked with making code compile for obscure projects, and I wasn't very good at it. Now I spend most of my time drawing pictures and looking at funny things on the Internet, which in retrospect is largely what I did at my old job, too.
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The marathon always starts after 30K. That's where the problems start. You start without any problems, without any pain. All the pain comes after 30K. Sometimes, it's possible to have pain even in the finger.
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I've got a publicist at Houghton Mifflin Harcourt who's been working little miracles for me, but it's true the budgets aren't what they once were in terms of advertisement and book tours.
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If you're clever enough and creative enough to get a good film made, then you should be clever enough and creative enough to find ways to get it out there, one being something like Jameson First Shot.
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When you are down and out something always turns up - and it is usually the noses of your friends.
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I realize it's a cliche almost, that coming out of the closet is a very healthy and empowering thing to do, but for me, it really has been a truly wonderful thing.
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The Turkish, Arab and Chinese nationalists who built new nation-states out of the ruins of old empires scorned their old, decrepit rulers as much as they did the foreign imperialists who imposed free trade through gunboats.
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I love '80s horror.
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In an amusement park, you can go on a roller coaster that carries you up and down, or you can go on another kind of ride that whirls you around in a circle. Similarly, there are different sorts of entertaining experiences in the theater.
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Certainly Nancy Reagan had an extraordinary effect on her husband. I'm truly not sure that, say, Laura Bush had that much effect on the Bush administration. She certainly, you know, seems to be a nice person who I think the public likes. But I can't really put my finger on any huge impact she's had.
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My work cuts like a steel blade at the base of a man's penis.
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My parents made every effort to encourage me to pursue anything in life that I enjoyed or found appealing so that I would be able to better understand myself and my passions as I grew up.
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I never trusted anybody at all. I don't know why it was so hard, I just didn't.
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When you're at war with yourself, you will go under.
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The digital team who were running Twitter, they weren't just going to put out a tweet for fun. They're going to try and figure out how do we measure the impact. Then they'd tweet it, and if it worked, great.
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You can't always see both sides of the story. Eventually, you have to pick a side and stick with it. No more equivocating. You have to commit.
