John Oliver Quotes
Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.

Quotes to Explore
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The economics of being a playwright are abysmal. I like to think of the work I do out in Hollywood as a way to actually make a life in the theater easier.
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For me to be here tonight, everything had to be perfect. I had to get drafted by Utah, had to play with a point guard like John Stockton, and had to be coached by Jerry Sloan and Frank Layden.
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Out with stereotypes, feminism proclaims. But stereotypes are the west's stunning sexual personae, the vehicles of art's assault against nature. The moment there is imagination, there is myth.
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My neighbors think I do nothing because I don't go to a job, which is fine and good.
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The interest on our debt is going to collapse this country.
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A dinner invitation, once accepted, is a sacred obligation. If you die before the dinner takes place, your executor must attend.
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I'm not confident in my own ability to resist the titanic force of my own ego.
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I like to work out. I work out hard when I get to it, but it's so sporadic, I'm not sure it counts at all! I eat pretty much anything, but I eat high-quality food. There was never a packet of chips or box of candy in my house when I was growing up. Ever.
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Even if the songs are at times painful - 'cause some of the songs are not all roses and balloons; some of them dig into deep things that I've been going through - there's a joy that I think people feel from my music and, hopefully, from my performance because I am so in love with doing what I do.
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I had that hunger to work and keep growing. So I started to cut hair. When I started getting better, I got my own barbershop. I had a lot of clients in my hometown, so I wouldn't stop cutting hair. That's why I think I have such discipline in my job because I've always been very responsible.
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Too many people hold a very narrow view of what motivates us. They believe that the only way to get us moving is with the jab of a stick or the promise of a carrot. But if you look at over 50 years of research on motivation, or simply scrutinize your own behavior, it's pretty clear human beings are more complicated than that.
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I only know what I read in the papers.
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Great books are rare.
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I guess some people are brilliant enough to be brilliant on their own and never doubt anything and come up with fabulous things. But I think it's good to get into arguments with people and have them say, 'That sucks' or 'You're crazy' or 'That's cheesy' or 'What do you think of this?'
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All minorities think they're immune, but we're absolutely part of the one in five that gets skin cancer! It's a myth, and myths are meant to be debunked!
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The other seeming oddity of its role as a national symbol is that it has achieved this status for Indians in spite of it being Islamic.
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Then you will do away with the only social meetings at the Art Academy in London we have, the only occasion on which we all come together in an easy, unrestrained manner. When we have no varnishing days, we shall not know one another.
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A civil war is going to break out inside the Republican Party along the old trench lines of the Goldwater-Rockefeller wars of the 1960s, a war for the heart and soul and future of the party.
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It's disturbing to people that the small David can disturb the big Goliath.
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'This fellow,' he indicated the woodsman with a sweep of his stick, 'will reliably not become more alive, but he may have friends or family who will be unsettled to find him so extremely dead.'
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'Wonder Showzen' is one of my favorite shows of all time. When I first saw it, I thought it was so funny and new and original and edgy and insane and subversive. I didn't know comedy could do that. It redefined what I thought you could do with a TV show.
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I'm a King. Regardless of what I've been through and what I've done, I present myself as a King. And I get that respect from people, from everybody I deal with. I worked my whole life to establish that respect and make sure I get that respect.
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Every empire has to get sucked down the drain. As a British person, I know how it feels.