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Never put off until tomorrow what you can do today - for tomorrow's gonna be bad enough as it is.
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I've never been drunk, but often I've been overserved.
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When I go to a party, nobody says hello. But when I leave, everybody says goodbye.
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Did you ever get the feeling that the world was a tuxedo and you were a pair of brown shoes?
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My uncle was the town drunk - and we lived in Chicago.
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If inflation continues to soar, you're going to have to work like a dog just to live like one.
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College is a place to keep warm between high school and an early marriage.
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Where I play, the greens always break toward the bar.