Garrison Keillor Quotes

United States, Radio Personality
August 7, 1942

Gary Edward "Garrison" Keillor (born August 7, 1942) is an American author, storyteller, humorist, voice actor, and radio personality. He is best known as the creator of the Minnesota Public Radio (MPR) show A Prairie Home Companion (called Garrison Keillor's Radio Show in some international syndication), which he hosted from 1974 to 2016. Keillor created the fictional Minnesota town Lake Wobegon, the setting of many of his books, including Lake Wobegon Days and Leaving Home: A Collection of Lake Wobegon Stories. Other creations include Guy Noir, a detective voiced by Keillor who appeared in A Prairie Home Companion comic skits. In November 2017, Minnesota Public Radio cut all business ties with Keillor after an allegation of inappropriate behavior with a staff member.

Also known as Writer, Voice Actor, Actor, Screenwriter, Television Producer, Humorist

I write for a radio show that, no matter what, will go on the air Saturday at five o'clock central time. You learn to write toward that deadline, to let the adrenaline pick you up on Friday morning and carry you through, to cook up a monologue about Lake Wobegon and get to the theater on time.

Garrison Keillor
- Up
- Time
- Morning
To many Americans, whose only knowledge of the North Star State is that it is intensely cold and populated by Swedes and Holsteins, it will come as a surprise to wake up one morning in 2004 and read in the newspaper, 'Half of U.S. Economy Now in Hands of Minnesota'.

Garrison Keillor
- Up
- Knowledge
- Morning

Cursing is highly effective in person - someone kicks his car in rage, forgetting he's wearing flip-flops, flames pour from his mouth, and it's impressive. But you see it in print, and it's just ugly.

Garrison Keillor
- Car
- See
- Ugly
It's been a quiet week in Lake Wobegon, my home town, out on the edge of the prairie...

Garrison Keillor
- Home
- Lake
There is almost no marital problem that can't be helped enormously by taking off your clothes.

Garrison Keillor
None of the men and women who voted for this bill has any right to speak in public about the rule of law anymore, or to take a high moral view of the Third Reich, or to wax poetic about the American Idea.

Garrison Keillor
- Men
- Women
- American
To the cheater, there is no such thing as honesty, and to Republicans the idea of serving the public good is counterfeit on the face of it - they never felt such an urge, and therefore it must not exist.

Garrison Keillor
- Good
- Honesty
If the government can round up someone and never be required to explain why, then it's no longer the United States of America as you and I always understood it. Our enemies have succeeded beyond their wildest dreams. They have made us become like them.

Garrison Keillor
- Up
- Why
- America

One day Donald Trump discovers that he is owned, lock, stock, and roulette wheel, by Lutheran Brotherhood, and must renegotiate his debt load with a committee of silent Norwegians who don't understand why anyone would pay more than $120 for a suit.

Garrison Keillor
- Why
- Trump
- Stock
Librarians, Dusty, possess a vast store of politeness. These are people who get asked regularly the dumbest questions on God's green earth. These people tolerate every kind of crank and eccentric and mouth-breather there is.

Garrison Keillor
- People
- God
- Earth