Milton Berle Quotes

I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

Milton Berle

• My Wife
• Valentine's Day
• Washing Machine

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Quotes to Explore

• I work hard to let my wife know how much I love her. I try to do that every day.

  

  Darius Rucker Hootie & the Blowfish
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• To my wife 'I told you I was sick'.

  

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• My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.

  

  Andy Rooney
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• Feminism is a political mistake. Feminism is a mistake made by women's intellect, a mistake which her instinct will recognize.

  

  Valentine de Saint-Point
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• We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Wife
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  • My Wife

• My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Bad
  • Cooking
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• When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Mother
  • Wife
  • Married

• My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Wife
  • Dog
  • My Wife

• When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.

  

  Jack Roy
  • She
  • Wife
  • Married

• When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.

  

  Jack Roy
  • She
  • Wife
  • Opinion

• I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Wife
  • Fool
  • My Wife

• My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Wife
  • Jump
  • Bridge

• My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Wife
  • Sex
  • Years

• Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Home
  • Wife
  • My Wife

• With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Respect
  • Wife
  • Birthday

• It was a nice way to remember a child on Valentine's Day. These are children who have been removed from their homes, so it was extra special.

  

  Jane Powell
  • Remember
  • Child
  • Valentine's Day

• The only time Valentine's Day has any bearing on my life is when I'm dating someone, or if I'm in a relationship. I would call Valentine's Day the path of least resistance. If I buy you gifts, take you out to dinner, then you won't bust my balls. That is Valentine's Day in a nutshell.

  

  Greg Dulli The Afghan Whigs
  • Life
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• My personal time is limited, more so than I wish. However, my wife and I have talked about the fact that there are opportunities right now that won't be there forever. For example, when the Grateful Dead offered me to tour in 2004, my first reaction was to say no, I just can't do it. Then my wife said, "Well, let's rethink this. You don't want to look back down the road and say, I could've done that, but I said no." So, we made it work.

  

  Warren Haynes The Allman Brothers Band
  • Road
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• She was nice to him on Valentine's Day. She gave him a heart-shaped rash.

  

  Milton Berle
  • Heart
  • Valentine's Day
  • Rash

• There will be times when we do not agree on every decision or subject, but we should always believe in one another, support one another, and move forward through life together - connected.

  

  Victoria Osteen
  • Life
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• No matter what age people are, I hope the lesson is to be engaged. Understand what your government is doing. Follow them. Ask questions. There is a price to be paid for speaking truth to power, but you can live through it.

  

  Valerie Plame
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• College football today is one of the last great strongholds of genuine old-fashioned American hypocrisy.

  

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  • Great
  • American
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• A sense of humor is rare. It isn't telling a joke about how there are three ways to get to heaven. It's being in a restaurant and hearing someone say, Everyone's got their tale of woe, and then turning around and saying, Unfortunately, in life, there's more woe than tail.

  

  Jack Roy
  • Life
  • Heaven
  • Joke

• I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.

  

  Milton Berle
  • My Wife
  • Valentine's Day
  • Washing Machine