Milton Berle Quotes
I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
Quotes to Explore
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I work hard to let my wife know how much I love her. I try to do that every day.
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To my wife 'I told you I was sick'.
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My wife uses fabric softener. I never knew what that stuff was for. Then I noticed women coming up to me, sniffing, then saying under their breath, "Married!" and walking away. Fabric Softeners are how our wives mark their territory. We can take off the ring, but it's hard to get that April fresh scent out of your clothes.
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Feminism is a political mistake. Feminism is a mistake made by women's intellect, a mistake which her instinct will recognize.
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We learned sexual technique from our dog. He taught how to beg, and he taught my wife how to roll over and play dead.
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My wifes cooking is so bad the flys fix our screens.
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When we got married, the first thing my wife did was put everything under both names - hers and her mother's.
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My wife has to be the worst cook. I've got the only dog who begs for alka-seltzer.
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When we got married my wife told me I was one in a million. I found out she was right.
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When I told my wife she was lousy in bed - she went out - she got a second opinion.
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I asked him "Who said you could fool around with my wife" he said everybody.
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My wife made me join a bridge club... I jump off next Tuesday.
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My wife and I have Olympic sex. Once every four years.
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Sure I smoked pot in hospital. My wife won't let me toke at home.
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With my wife I don't get no respect. I made a toast on her birthday to 'the best woman a man ever had.' The waiter joined me.
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It was a nice way to remember a child on Valentine's Day. These are children who have been removed from their homes, so it was extra special.
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The only time Valentine's Day has any bearing on my life is when I'm dating someone, or if I'm in a relationship. I would call Valentine's Day the path of least resistance. If I buy you gifts, take you out to dinner, then you won't bust my balls. That is Valentine's Day in a nutshell.
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My personal time is limited, more so than I wish. However, my wife and I have talked about the fact that there are opportunities right now that won't be there forever. For example, when the Grateful Dead offered me to tour in 2004, my first reaction was to say no, I just can't do it. Then my wife said, "Well, let's rethink this. You don't want to look back down the road and say, I could've done that, but I said no." So, we made it work.
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Valentine's Day is the day when you remember that Cupid was a lousy shot.
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I hate the idea that you ought to read the whole of anybody.
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Obviously, you would give your life for your children, or give them the last biscuit on the plate. But to me, the trick in life is to take that sense of generosity between kin, make it apply to the extended family and to your neighbour, your village and beyond.
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Hunger and fear are the only realities in dog life: an empty stomach makes a fierce dog.
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Inside that quietude there was the firmest of wills. Bill Shawn knew exactly what he wanted to do.
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I like to do things for my wife on Valentine's Day. I open the door for her when she puts laundry in the washing machine.
