Beano Cook Quotes
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“The first word you see at the airport is 'terminal'.”
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Haven't they suffered enough?
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“Ron Powlus will win the Heisman two times and be the greatest quarterback in the history of Notre Dame.”
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Colleges spend more money on the promotion of the Heisman than the Pentagon spends on toilets.
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“Dracula and LSU Football are at their best after the sun goes down.”
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Place-kickers aren't footballers, they're hired feet.
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The only way that Miami will beat Florida St. is if they outscore them.
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“You only have to bat 1.000 in two things-flying and heart transplants. Everything else, you can go four in five.”
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“You’ll never have a 16-team playoff in college football. The most that could happen would be four teams in the next century. But after that, I’m dead, so who cares?”
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Notre Dame is the only team in the country that never plays a road game.
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“My first on the bucket list will be a night game at LSU. I don't know if I'm ever going to get there. Of all the things in college sports, that would be No. 1.”
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“Nebraska sets the standard for how fans should act.”
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"I hate it. I just do. That [artificial turf], local news, the IRS, and hair dryers are the four worst inventions of the century."
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“Best scene in college football is at LSU on a Saturday night.”