Arj Barker Quotes

United States, Comedian
August 12, 1974

Arjan Singh, known by the stage name Arj Barker, is an American comedian and actor from San Anselmo, California. He has toured in North America, Australia, New Zealand, and Europe. He was born to an engineer father and artist mother, and is half-Indian, half-European. His father is of Sikh heritage.

I quit because I'm so tired of hearing bad news about cigarettes... Even if they discover good news, they don't publicize it - like the fact that smoking seriously reduces the risk of jogging.

Arj Barker
- News
- Smoking
- Jogging
I'm trying to feel terrified and alone. And regret every decision I've ever made, drenched in a cold sweat. It's called going to sleep. Maybe you've heard of it.

Arj Barker
- Alone
- Decision
- Terrified

I deserve someone who likes me for who I am pretending to be.

Arj Barker
Nobody can ever learn our military's secrets - unless, you know, they happen to have the Discovery Channel. Then, it's pretty easy, just tune in for a few minutes.

Arj Barker
- Military
- Learn
- Secrets
A woman is a highly developed, deeply intelligent, infinitely complicated being. And it needs to be carefully tricked into doing things.

Arj Barker
I was high on life but eventually I built up a tolerance.

Arj Barker
- Life
- Tolerance
- Built
I believe that if you go on a date and get to second base and then you go home alone and rub one out, that's like runs batted in.

Arj Barker
- Home
- Alone
- Date
I fainted last night! Luckily I was going to bed at the time so I didn't get hurt.

Arj Barker
- Hurt
- Bed
- Fainted

Home is wherever I am. People make too big a deal about where you live. I try to be grounded in myself. Home is another way of saying 'a place where you keep all your stuff'.

Arj Barker
- Home
- Stuff
- Keep
I'm in love with a philosophy major, and she doesn't even know I exist. And what's worse, she can prove it.

Arj Barker
- Philosophy
- Prove
- Exist