Larry the Cable Guy Quotes
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A great-great grandpa (there might be another great in there, I'm not sure) offered a gun and horse to anyone that would join the Confederacy in '64. Who cares if it was 1964. Give the guy a break. He had Alzheimer's and thought he was Jefferson Davis. (p. 5).
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'Cars' has been a godsend. I mean, I get paid to talk into a mic. Honestly, I had no idea it would become as big as it did. When I first got the part of Mater, it was actually a small part. I did the voicing for it, though, and the animators liked it so much they rewrote the original script so that Mater could be in it more.
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Did you know that when a baby poops its diaper, you're not supposed to hit him with a rolled up newspaper?
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A buddy of mine was mad at his son the other day 'cause he got caught having sex with his teacher. I thought, 'Hey, that's pretty cool!' Problem was, he was home-schooled.
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At first I didn't even realize she was pregnant. I kinda gotten used to her throwing up every time we had sex...
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I like to hunt. We went to a nuclear power and hunted in the woods next to it. I got a 34-point rabbit in there. We always go at night. It's easier. All the critters glow in the dark out there.
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My mom went to that same doctor and got a butt lift. It's a little too lifted, I think, alright. Now every time she farts only dogs can hear it.
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Them gas prices are higher than a bus load of Mexicans at the Los Lobos concert.
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Actually, you can make pretty good cash on stage without being a comedian or a stripper. My brother once won a talent contest by fartin' the song 'Dixie' through an oil funnel. He not only took home 500 bucks, he got to meet Regis after the show. Who says dreams don't come true? (p. 11).
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In reference to Playstation Football Here's an idea! Why don't they make a button that says frickin' 'pass'!
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I had a buddy of mine call up the other day, all upset 'cause he slept with his third cousin. And I'm like, 'Man, if it upsets you that much, quit countin' them!'