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But what Davenport had been born into had taken so much from her, leaving her with just the wickedest and the worst. Her father had given her life, and then taken every scrap of joy or freedom, and even now that he was dead, all he had left her with was a deep, abiding hatred for what she was.
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Her gaze was direct, full of a sadness so raw and crystallized that I could see the shape of it.
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The hours spool out like a ribbon I can't find the end of.
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I couldn't work out what she actually wanted. Whether being dead happened in a pretty box on Welsh Street or someplace else, it didn't make a difference. Dead was irreversible. It was permanent. You couldn't do anything about it, and still, Tate seemed determined to take it back, like with the right answer, she could fix everything.
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She was the purest, biggest truth.
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I've never been impulsive. It's always been in my nature to consider things carefully and then decide upon the best solution. Except, sometimes the circumstances change. Sometimes things get so complicated and so bad that your nature just doesn't matter anymore.
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So, are you just going to stand there looking like a piece of furniture?
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I wanted it in the way you sometimes want to jump into very cold water, even though you know it won't feel good. I wanted to go numb. To see what it felt like to be someone else.
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When did a name ever change what someone is?
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It's strange, but seeing something broken is somehow worse when you can tell that it used to be beautiful.
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The fact is, the contest has always been invulnerability, and even when you win, you still lose.
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All my life, I've understood the nature of where I come from, but I never thought it might be wicked until now.
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We lay on the grass beside the cemetery fence, kissing and shivering. Her teeth started to chatter and I pulled her against me, which made me feel like a superhero for no apparent reason.
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It was completely unshocking that there were monsters in the world, secret rituals and underground burrows filled with the dead, when in my own way, I was secret and sort of monstrous too. It just didn’t show in the same way.
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Intention is one of the most powerful forces there is. What you mean when you do a thing will always determine the outcome. The law creates the world.
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What's up?' he said, like the church was always burning down and I always called him on a school night, telling him to come over after dark and bring a shovel.
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You're terribly selfish, you know. I've loved you so long, and it was never dear or precious to you. I might as well have not loved you at all.
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Once, I ordered two thousand lady bugs from the local garden center and set them loose in the atrium. I sprinkled marigold seeds in the ficus planters and put gold fish in the lobby fountain. These are things I did with no consequences, no repercussions. My nineteen detentions were for smart answers and missed homework. There is no equivalent punishment for making the world a stranger place.
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There are all kinds of things that can scare you every day. What if someone you know gets cancer? What if something happens to you sister or your friends or your parents? And what if you get hit by a car crossing the street or the kids at school find out what an unnatural freak you are and what if you go too far out in the lake and the water is over your head and what if there's a fire or a war? And you can lie awake at night and worry about these things because it's scary and unpredictable, but it's REAL. It's possible.
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The things I had were mine and some of them were broken, but they were real. They were so very far from nothing.
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The simple truth is that you can understand a town. You can know and love and hate it. You can blame it, resent it, and nothing changes. In the end, you’re just another part of it.
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Let me tell you a little bit about demons. They love pain and other people’s misery. They lie when it suits them and don’t see anything wrong with it. They corrupt and kill and destroy, all without conscience. You just don’t have the capacity for something as honorable as loving another person.
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This is aeons older than you or your family. Older than the town. Blood makes the sun shine and the crops grow. This is the truth of the world. Fuck the world. I just want my sister back.
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When you love someone, sometimes it means that they strip you down, peel you open, and you have to let them and not worry about how much it's going to hurt.