-
59% of all suicides are actually botched murder-suicides performed by dyslexics.
-
We all enter this world in the same way: naked, screaming, soaked in blood. But if you live your life right, that kind of thing doesn't have to stop there.
-
When I found out that coffins are padded, I stopped fearing death.
-
The expression working like a dog dates back to a time in America when men would rise early, then lie around all day and lick their balls.
-
Women are like pumpkins; you search and search for the perfect one, bring it home, and the next thing you know, you're looking for a knife.
-
Competition is the death of art.
-
Take away the robots and the special effects, and Star Wars is just the simple story of a group of friends planning a terrorist attack.
-
My fantasy football team got mixed up in another fantasy and now they're stuck on a pirate ship with a chick in a Catwoman suit.