Lewis Grizzard Quotes

United States, Writer
October 20, 1946 – March, 20, 1994.

Lewis McDonald Grizzard Jr. (October 20, 1946 – March 20, 1994) was an American writer and humorist, known for his Southern demeanor and commentary on the American South. Although he spent his early career as a newspaper sports writer and editor, becoming the sports editor of the Atlanta Journal at age 23, he is much better known for his humorous newspaper columns in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution. He was also a popular stand-up comedian & lecturer.

Also known as Humorist

How can I trust a bank to keep my money safe when it has dozens of pens stolen every day?

Lewis Grizzard
- Money
- Trust
I was raised to think women had babies, stayed at home, and men worked. By the time I got ready to do it, I thought I had all the answers. Only somebody had changed the questions.

Lewis Grizzard
- Time
- Men
- Women

Things are more complex today, and I think humor has changed a a great deal. People are more sensitive today.

Lewis Grizzard
- People
- Great
- Today
I don't think I'll get married again. I'll just find a woman I don't like and give her a house.

Lewis Grizzard
- House
I wish one time in my life I could do what other writers do... get me a villa in Spain and go there to write a book.

Lewis Grizzard
- Life
- Time
- Book
There's a big difference between the words, ‘naked’ and ‘nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don't have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don't have any clothes on - and you're up to something.

Lewis Grizzard
- Up
- Words
I'd like to know what I could do if I really had the time to spend on writing a book, with no columns or shows to do at the same time.

Lewis Grizzard
- Time
- Writing
- Book
I write 200 columns a year, you know. That means I have to have 200 opinions a year. Sometimes, I don't give a damn one way or the other, but that's my job, so I got to take a side.

Lewis Grizzard
- Job

I don't know how I do it, but I've written about everything. I've written about my shoes.

Lewis Grizzard
- Shoes
Show business is my life.

Lewis Grizzard
- Life
- Business
A little irreverence is always important to being a columnist. I try to do that.

Lewis Grizzard
- Important
First, we really don’t care how you did it in Chicago. Second, if you miss it so much, Delta is ready when you are.

Lewis Grizzard
- Chicago
The public, more often than not, will forgive mistakes, but it will not forgive trying to wriggle and weasel out of one.

Lewis Grizzard
- Trying
Bad luck is meeting your date's father and realizing he's the pharmacist you bought condoms from that afternoon.

Lewis Grizzard
- Bad
- Father
- Luck

It's difficult to think anything but pleasant thoughts while eating a homegrown tomato.

Lewis Grizzard
- Thoughts
The South is the last place with a sense of place.

Lewis Grizzard