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Never having alone time is real tough on people.
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To my real estate agent, Chernobyl is a fixer-upper.
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I was not only typecast as a Russian, but I was typecast as Yakov Smirnoff. This is understandable, and I was very happy to get the roles, but it would be nice to be in a movie where I could be someone else.
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It's kind of bittersweet. The human spirit is not measured by the size of the act, but by the size of the heart.
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I fed my ego, but not my soul.
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People in Tulsa are totally friendly; the crowds are very nice.
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Laughter is the shortest distance between two people.
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We may have forgotten how to feel. Nobody is teaching us how to live happily ever after, as we've heard in fairy tales.
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I like American women. They do things sexually Russian girls never dream of doing - like showering.
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My father described this tall lady who stands in the middle of the New York harbor, holding high a torch to welcome people seeking freedom in America. I instantly fell in love.
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I have American in-laws, and I care about the environment. We don't use disposable diapers, which, of course, creates an environmental problem of our own.
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I was this non-threatening funny guy who contrasted the image of the Brezhnevs and the Reagans of the world.
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I was a comedian in Russia, and I worked on the cruise ships there. I met a lot of Americans, and they were laughing even though I didn't speak their language.
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In every country, they make fun of city. In U.S. you make fun of Cleveland. In Russia, we make fun of Cleveland.
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In America, you break law. In Soviet Russia, law breaks you! In America, you watch Big Brother. In Soviet Russia, Big Brother watch you!
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I found out that when you get married the man becomes the head of the house. And the woman becomes the neck, and she turns the head any way she wants to.
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Many people are surprised to hear that we have comedians in Russia, but they are there. They are dead, but they are there.