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The only standard journalists respect is: Will this story promote the left-wing agenda?
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We turn away astrophysicists in order to make room for illiterate Afghan peasants who will drop out of high school to man coffee carts until deciding to engage in jihad against us.
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As for catching Osama, it's irrelevant. Things are going swimmingly in Afghanistan.
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A couple alleged males attempted to sucker punch a 100-pound woman and missed. And they ended up with their faces smashed in and spending the night in the Pima County Jail, where I'm sure - being good liberals - their views on gay marriage will serve them well.
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Our book is Genesis. Their book is Rachel Carson’s Silent Spring, the original environmental hoax.
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And why is it 'homophobic' for Senate Republicans to look askance at sex in public bathrooms? Is the Times claiming that sodomy in public bathrooms is the essence of being gay? I thought gays just wanted to get married to one another and settle down in the suburbs so they could visit each other in the hospital.
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No wonder you guys lost.
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Out of respect for my gay male readers, I'll resist the temptation to characterize this ruling as 'shoving gay marriage down our throats.'
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if you pass amnesty, that's it. It's over. Then we organize the death squads for the people who wrecked America.
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The nonsense about President Obama being a Muslim has got to stop. I rise to defend him from this absurd accusation by pointing out that he is obviously an atheist.
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There are a lot of bad Republicans; there are no good Democrats.
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As we have learned from ObamaCare, young people are not considered adults until age 26, at which point they are finally forced to get off their parents' health care plans. The old motto was 'Old enough to fight, old enough to vote.' The new motto is: 'Not old enough to buy your own health insurance, not old enough to vote.'
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So I think all gays who are born gay are overwhelming conservative, maybe apolitical, and all those angry gays, causing trouble for everybody, I don't think they were born gay. I think they are just angry at their fathers.
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I don't know why all gays aren't Republican. I think we have the pro-gay positions, which is anti-crime and for tax cuts. Gays make a lot of money and they're victims of crime. No, they are! They should be with us.
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Then there are the 22 million Americans on food stamps. And of course there are the 39 million greedy geezers collecting Social Security. The greatest generation rewarded itself with a pretty big meal.
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Gays are national conservatives.
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My only regret with Timothy McVeigh is he did not go to the New York Times building.
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Liberals are hopping mad because Rush Limbaugh referred to phony soldiers as 'phony soldiers.' They claim he was accusing all Democrats in the military of being 'phony.' True, all Democrats in the military are not phony soldiers, but all phony soldiers seem to be Democrats.
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Gays have got to be pro-life. As soon as they find the gay gene, guess who the liberal yuppies are going to start aborting.
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It confirms my idea that you also need more liberal gun laws. Guns lead to a polite society, as we like to say in the United States. And I think that all of western Canada would agree with me.
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I have to say I'm all for public flogging. One type of criminal that a public humiliation might work particularly well with are the juvenile delinquents, a lot of whom consider it a badge of honor to be sent to juvenile detention. And it might not be such a cool thing in the 'hood' to be flogged publicly.
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Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the president.
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ISIS is not at our doorstep. Illegal immigrants are not only at our doorstep, but millions of them are already through the door, murdering far more Americans than ISIS ever will.
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If those kids had been carrying guns they would have gunned down this one gunman. … Don't pray. Learn to use guns.