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When you get to a place where you understand that love and belonging, your worthiness, is a birthright and not something you have to earn, anything is possible.
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I'm just going to say it: I'm pro-guilt. Guilt is good. Guilt helps us stay on track because it's about our behavior. It occurs when we compare something we've done - or failed to do - with our personal values.
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When you stop caring what people think, you lose your capacity for connection. When you're defined by it, you lose our capacity for vulnerability.
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We judge people in areas where we're vulnerable to shame, especially picking folks who are doing worse than we're doing.
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My husband's a pediatrician, so he and I talk about parenting all the time. You can't raise children who have more shame resilience than you do.
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The intention and outcome of vulnerability is trust, intimacy and connection. The outcome of oversharing is distrust, disconnection - and usually a little judgment.
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I carry a small sheet of paper in my wallet that has written on it the names of people whose opinions of me matter. To be on that list, you have to love me for my strengths and struggles.
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Daring to set boundaries is about having the courage to love ourselves, even when we risk disappointing others.
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For me, the opposite of scarcity is not abundance. It's enough. I'm enough. My kids are enough.
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To me, a leader is someone who holds her- or himself accountable for finding potential in people and processes. And so what I think is really important is sustainability.
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If you think dealing with issues like worthiness and authenticity and vulnerability are not worthwhile because there are more pressing issues, like the bottom line or attendance or standardized test scores, you are sadly, sadly mistaken. It underpins everything.
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Men walk this tightrope where any sign of weakness illicits shame, and so they're afraid to make themselves vulnerable for fear of looking weak.
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Many people think of perfectionism as striving to be your best, but it is not about self-improvement; it's about earning approval and acceptance.
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I'm like a recovering perfectionist. For me it's one day at a time.
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Waking up every day and loving someone who may or may not love us back, whose safety we can't ensure, who may stay in our lives or may leave without a moment's notice, who may be loyal to the day they die or betray us tomorrow - that's vulnerability.
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The uncertainty of parenting can bring up feelings in us that range from frustration to terror.
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In many ways, September feels like the busiest time of the year: The kids go back to school, work piles up after the summer's dog days, and Thanksgiving is suddenly upon us.
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I've learned a lot since I was a new mother. My approach to struggle and shame now is to talk to yourself like you'd talk to someone you love and reach out to tell your story.
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To me, constructive criticism is when people take ownership of their ideas. That's why I don't listen to anything that's anonymous. But it's hard; when there's something hurtful out there, I still want to read it over and over and memorize it and explain my point of view to the person.
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Maybe stories are just data with a soul.
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I'm not a parenting expert. In fact, I'm not sure that I even believe in the idea of 'parenting experts.' I'm an engaged, imperfect parent and a passionate researcher. I'm an experienced mapmaker and a stumbling traveler. Like many of you, parenting is by far my boldest and most daring adventure.