Art Buchwald Quotes
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Just when you think there's nothing to write about, Nixon says, 'I am not a crook.' Jimmy Carter says, 'I have lusted after women in my heart.' President Reagan says, 'I have just taken a urinalysis test, and I am not on dope.'
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If you attack the establishment long enough and hard enough, they will make you a member of it.
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People are broad-minded. They'll accept the fact that a person can be an alcoholic, a dope fiend, a wife beater and even a newspaperman, but if a man doesn't drive, there's something wrong with him.
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Every time you think television has hit its lowest ebb, a new...program comes along to make you wonder where you thought the ebb was.
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You can't make up anything anymore. The world itself is a satire. All you're doing is recording it.
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I just don't want to die the same day Castro dies.
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Whether it's the best of times or the worst of times, it's the only time we've got.
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The powder is mixed with water and tastes exactly like powder mixed with water.
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A bad liver is to a Frenchman what a nervous breakdown is to an American. Everyone has had one and everyone wants to talk about it.
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Don't commit suicide, because you might change your mind two weeks later.
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I like champagne—because it always tastes like my foot's asleep.
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People ask what I am really trying to do with humor. The answer is, 'I'm getting even.' … For me, being funny is the best revenge.