-
Roses are reddish Violets are bluish If it weren't for Christmas We'd all be Jewish.
-
The odds against there being a bomb on a plane are a million to one, and against two bombs a million times a million to one. Next time you fly, cut the odds and take a bomb.
-
Just because nobody complains doesn't mean all parachutes are perfect.
-
Never play leapfrog with a unicorn.
-
Before I met her, I drank and swore without reason... now I have a reason.
-
Have you noticed that all the people in favor of birth control are already born?
-
Live everyday as though it's your last 'cause one day you'll be right.
-
Girls are like pianos. When they're not upright, they're grand.
-
That's what show business is, sincere insincerity.
-
Why would I make one woman so miserable when I can make so many women very happy?
-
I thought I couldn't afford to take her out and smoke as well. So I gave up cigarettes. Then I took her out and one day I looked at her and thought: 'Oh well,' and I went back to smoking again, and that was better.
-
I never yell, I never tell, but I'm grateful as hell.
-
Do unto others, then run.
-
Those hot pants of hers were so damned tight, I could hardly breathe.