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Don't play dead with a vulture. That's exactly what they want.
Kevin Nealon -
People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing, but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!'
Kevin Nealon
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Definitely not a TV junkie. I only record shows I want to see but usually never get around to watching them.
Kevin Nealon -
Workers insist that they are not disgruntled. They are very gruntled.
Kevin Nealon -
A whole generation of people that didn't know me from 'SNL' recognize me from 'Weeds' now. People recognize me once in a while and appreciate the work. It gets a little embarrassing but it's good. If you work as an accountant, you don't have people coming up to you in the streets saying, 'Hey, great job on tax statements!'
Kevin Nealon -
When I began doing stand-up, it took me a long time to get an hour's worth of material together.
Kevin Nealon -
You don't want to throw out a good idea and have nobody get excited about it. It takes the wind out of your sails.
Kevin Nealon -
If you want a transcript of tonight's program, get a pen and write down everything I said.
Kevin Nealon
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I'm probably more of a stand-up comedian than an actor.
Kevin Nealon -
As a comedian, you're kind of like a blues musician; you have to live a little bit.
Kevin Nealon -
Print is definitely more nutritious. When I leave a website, I'm hungry again an hour later - especially the Chinese websites.
Kevin Nealon -
I really enjoyed working on the 2009 film, 'Aliens in the Attic,' because it was shot in New Zealand and I got to visit there for the first time.
Kevin Nealon -
I've done this commercial with Arnold Palmer. He doesn't play that much anymore, but it'd be fun to have him in the cart.
Kevin Nealon -
I just loved stand-up comics as a kid. I'd watch them on 'The Tonight Show,' and I thought what a great craft it was to come out on stage with no instrument or anything and be able to entertain people.
Kevin Nealon
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I was born in St. Louis; I lived there for three weeks and then my father graduated from St. Louis University, so we all got in the car and split. I don't really remember much. I grew up in Connecticut most of my life and then four years in Germany. My father worked for a helicopter company, so we went over there.
Kevin Nealon -
You see things through a different lens when you have a child.
Kevin Nealon -
I think I definitely would have ended up in some kind of show business. I was very interested in music when I was younger. This was back when Crosby, Stills and Nash were around.
Kevin Nealon -
Standup really is a young man's game, a single young man's game. Even when I was younger, when I wasn't single, it was hard to be on the road because you go through relationships because your girlfriend kinda got tired of you being gone.
Kevin Nealon -
I loved working on 'Happy Gilmore' because I love to travel to new places and we got to go to British Columbia. Any Adam Sandler film is fun to work on because it is a reunion of the boys club of guys that have worked together in the past.
Kevin Nealon -
A lot of baby boomers are baby bongers.
Kevin Nealon
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Every homeless puppy and kitten was born to parents who weren't spayed or neutered. I'm proud to support PETA's work to prevent animal homelessness.
Kevin Nealon -
I have a severe addiction to 'Angry Birds.' I always tell myself, 'One more game...' But then there's always another and another and another.
Kevin Nealon -
I see the love in my child's eyes when he sees me, and I know it's gigantic. As an older person, I've been in love before, and I've loved, but this is really an immense, out-of-control-proportion amount of love that you can't even describe.
Kevin Nealon -
I feel guilty: when I'm not golfing, I feel like I should be golfing. And when I'm golfing, I feel like I should be home working or spending time with the family. So it's a real conundrum.
Kevin Nealon