My stepmother sold my birth certificate and someone asked why I didn't buy it back. I don't know, really. I just couldn't bring myself to do it. It was mine. It cost me nothing and suddenly I had to buy it back.
When I was about 19, my stepmother said - because this was back in the 80s - that I had Robert Wagners pompadour. I said, What are you talking about? You mean the guy from Hart to Hart?
Didn't you know? All stepmothers are witches. It is our compensation for remaining forever an intruder in another woman's house.
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