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The scientific theory I like best is that the rings of Saturn are composed entirely of lost airline luggage.
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Young people, take heart: the older you get, the fewer commandments you will have the strength to break.
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If you call your opponent a politician, it's grounds for libel.
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The Republicans have a new healthcare proposal: Just say NO to illness!
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A Consultant is a guy who knows 125 different ways to make love, but who doesn't know any women.
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The way money goes so fast these days, they should paint racing stripes on it.
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I squirm when I see athletes praying before a game. Don't they realize that if God took sports seriously he never would have created George Steinbrenner.
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The sacred exists only at the expense of the truth.
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You've got the brain-washed, that's the Democrats, and the brain-dead, that's the Republicans!
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I think you can't write with anger. I think it always has to be with a wink. There always has to be an element of hope in what you write. Otherwise you're just getting mad and it's not going to be fun for anybody.