- All Quotes
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The reason I do what I do is because I was influenced by Steve Martin, by Woody Allen, by Bob Newhart, by Carol Burnett, by Lucille Ball.
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I love kids. But that's such a big commitment. And it seems long-term. It seems like a commitment that you have to stick with. And I just don't know if I can - it's too risky. Like, what if I don't like the kid?
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I have a terrible problem with procrastination... a friend told me, 'Well, you should go to therapy.' And I thought about it, but then I said, 'Wait a minute. Why should I pay a stranger to listen to me talk when I can get strangers to pay to listen to me talk?' And that's when I got the idea of touring.
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It's our challenges and obstacles that give us layers of depth and make us interesting. Are they fun when they happen? No. But they are what make us unique. And that's what I know for sure... I think.
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I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.
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Whatever you define family as, family is just a part of belonging to something that takes care of you and nurtures you... and when you have lost that, and you want to get that back, it's pretty easy to get emotional about it.
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When people show me clothing that seems very, very feminine, it's hard for me to embrace that, because it just doesn't feel like me.
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If you want to get rid of stuff, you can always do a good spring-cleaning. Or you can do what I do. Move.
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I've been trying to find women writers for my staff for a while now and I have three women on my staff and three guys so it's pretty equal. I don't know why that is. It's been the same thing for a while. It's hard for female comedians to stand out. That's weird. That's a shame.
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I am saddened by how people treat one another and how we are so shut off from one another and how we judge one another, when the truth is, we are all one connected thing. We are all from the same exact molecules.
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I like being busy and juggling a lot of things at the same time. I get bored easily, so I need to do a lot.
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I do like men and I had, you know, a guy in high school that I wanted to marry desperately. He's the mayor of some small town in Texas. I could be the mayor's wife right now.
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Now we have hands-free phones, so you can focus on the thing you're really supposed to be doing … chances are, if you need both of your hands to do something, your brain should be in on it too.
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A lot of money with the wrong career is not going to make you happy. If you have money without happiness, it doesn't mean anything. It's all about happiness.
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I'm not an activist; I don't look for controversy. I'm not a political person, but I'm a person with compassion. I care passionately about equal rights. I care about human rights. I care about animal rights.
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In the beginning there was nothing. God said, 'Let there be light!' And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.
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Faith is part of who I am, yes. I was raised Christian Scientist. The most important thing I saw every single week on the wall at Sunday school was the Golden Rule.
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Right before I decided to come out, I went on a spiritual retreat called 'Changing the Inner Dialogue of Your Subconscious Mind.' I'd never been to anything like it before, and all my friends were taking bets on how long I'd last with no TV, no radio, no phone. But for me that was the beginning of paying attention to all the little things.
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People love gossip. It's the biggest thing that keeps the entertainment industry going.
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It's not like I grew up playing pranks on people, and I was not that girl in school.
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Usually, I wear tennis shoes because my feet are flat, and it hurts to wear anything other than shoes that are cushiony.
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I work really hard at trying to see the big picture and not getting stuck in ego. I believe we're all put on this planet for a purpose, and we all have a different purpose... When you connect with that love and that compassion, that's when everything unfolds.
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Death, disease, famine
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Procrastinate now, don't put it off.