David Spade Quotes
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I never have kids in movies or in TV shows.
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I never dated much in high school or college.
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No one wants to know I set my alarm and get up 8, but I think it's too weird to sleep in too late.
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I only have one note, let's be honest. But I'll play a different version of that one note.
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There are too many fawning entertainment shows out there and not one of them is making fun of it all.
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Cindy (Chris Farley): That reminds me, I have a joke: I heard Michael Jackson went shopping at K-Mart because there was a sale! Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha!Christy (Spade): You messed it up, dumbbell! He went shopping at K-Mart because he heard little boys' pants were half off.
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Single guys get a bad rap.
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Success? You can't get a big head about it. When people stare at me, they could be whispering to their friend, 'That guy sucks! Have you seen him before? He's horrible.'
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There's always something funny about men chasing women.
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My career is just kind of crazy.
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I feel like I've got this anti-marriage thing, but it's less that and more I'm overthinking it to get it right.
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I want to get back to my fighting weight of 98 pounds. I have the exact measurements of that guy from the movie, Powder. Right now, I am the reigning West Coast Powder.
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To make money I picked up work as a busboy, valet parker, skateboard shop employee.
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It's funny because it's funny.
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I have no detectable hair style.
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I have no stories to sell. A lot of my relationships are with civilians, and no one wants to hear about those.
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You know, you want to pull in a wide audience.
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Everyone is so weird in L.A. that if you're somewhat normal, it's exotic.
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I'm like a Dilbert cartoon.
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That's fine. Now should I give you the money or should I shove the quarters directly up your fat ass? Whee-hee!
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You can either look at things in a brutal, truthful way that's depressing, or you can screw around and have fun.
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I've had it where things didn't go well for me with movies or something that got canceled.
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It's just a campy blast. I just want to do as little as I can and make it good, and try not to sell out. I'm sure I will, but I'm just trying to postpone it.
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Boom, baby!