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My favorite thing about the Internet is that you get to go into the private world of real creeps without having to smell them.
Penn Jillette -
The reason I'm an I.B.M.-type guy today is that I really needed a laptop back in 1986, and I just couldn't wait for the Powerbook.
Penn Jillette
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I think it's pretty cruel to give a kid a name that others are going to have. I think it's very important to have a unique name within any group you're likely to be in.
Penn Jillette -
World War II proves there's no God.
Penn Jillette -
Interview in Las Vegas Weekly (24 June 2010).
Penn Jillette -
The Glenn Beck Program, April 12, 2013. Edited, including omission of some non-germane remarks. YouTube
Penn Jillette -
I don't want everyone to read anything; I like us all reading different books.
Penn Jillette -
Two things have always been true about human beings. One, the world is always getting better. Two, the people living at that time think it`s getting worse. It's because you get older, your responsibilities are different. Now I'm taking care of children instead of being a child. It makes the world look scarier. That happens to everyone.
Penn Jillette
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It's only the losers named 'Dave' that think having an unusual name is bad, and who cares what they think? They're named 'Dave.'
Penn Jillette -
That's the beauty of the Web: You can roll around in a stranger's obsession without having to smell his or her house. You can amscray whenever you want without being rude. The site gets its 'hit' and you know more about our species' diversity.
Penn Jillette -
Once you have somebody that is telling you, 'We are interpreting God for you,' it seems like you either agree or you don't. You either say, like Martin Luther, 'I'm going to have a direct relationship with the word of God,' or I'm going to go through a conduit of God on Earth,' which would be the Pope.
Penn Jillette -
I never wanted to be a magician. I never wanted to be a comedian. I never wanted to be onstage.
Penn Jillette -
The Tea Party claims to want small government.
Penn Jillette -
I'm a big fan of gospel music, and you cannot be a fan of rock and roll, you cannot be a fan of country western music, and you can't really be a fan of jazz without listening to a lot of music that's religious.
Penn Jillette
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The First Amendment says nothing about your getting paid for saying anything. It just says you can say it. I don't believe that if a corporation pulls all the money out of you or a network pulls their money away or you get fired, you're being censored.
Penn Jillette -
I came to magic absolutely hating magic on a very, very deep level.
Penn Jillette -
As much as I disagreed with every second of 'Fahrenheit 9/11,' the fact that it is out made me jump for joy.
Penn Jillette -
Asking someone else to do something immoral is immoral.
Penn Jillette -
In my private life, I'm not around any drugs or alcohol.
Penn Jillette -
No one can tell you the rules of 'Celebrity Apprentice.' No one. Donald Trump just does what he wants, which is mostly pontificating to people who are sucking up to him, while the network people try to manipulate him into making the highest-rated show they can.
Penn Jillette
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I think people under age 55 come to Vegas with a certain sense of irony.
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I'm an amazing mama's boy.
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A guy called up, and in his lead, he said, 'We've talked before. I used to be with US but now I'm for SELF.' And I was like, 'I guess we know everything now, don't we?' … I kind of laughed and I went, 'I guess a lot of people are like that.' And he paused and went, 'Uhhh… what?' And I said, 'Oh, nothing.'
Penn Jillette -
One of the things that Teller and I are obsessed with, one of the reasons that we're in magic, is the difference between fantasy and reality.
Penn Jillette