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The secret truth of 'Celebrity Apprentice' is that it isn't very hard... 'Celebrity Apprentice' is easy like junior high is easy. All the arithmetic, the creative writing and the history are super simple, but like junior high, you do that easy work surrounded by people who are full-tilt, hormone-raging bug nutty.
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I'm really happy with all the art that was inspired by religion, and I think I'd be tickled to little tiny pieces if art in the future was inspired by other things.
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People like Bill Maher, who brags about being a cynic, it sickens me. I am the least cynical person I know, and I am very, very skeptical.
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I'm not misunderstood. I am brash. I make my living being brash.
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My tolerance for crazy people is, I think, high a tolerance as you're ever going to find. I love being around David Allen Coe. I would have loved to hang out with Tiny Tim. I can listen to Sun Ra on a tape-recording rant.
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I'm totally against straight marriage - even though I'm married. I don't think heterosexual marriage is any of the government's business.
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For the most part, any serious magic show is not using very much technology newer than theatrical lights.
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We knew that we were kind of odd and creeps, and we wanted to do odd, creepy stuff for people who wanted to see that.
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This is going to sound horrible, but I don't even know how much I make in a year. It must be, you know, a couple of million dollars, a few million. I know it's more money than my dad, a jail guard, made in his lifetime; more money than I'll ever need.
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I've never revved my car at a light for an attractive woman or an auto-rival, not even as a joke.
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Tommy Smothers is a hero of mine.
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When I was 15, 16, 17 years old, I spent five hours a day juggling, and I probably spent six hours a day seriously listening to music. And if I were 16 now, I would put that time into playing video games.
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Believing there's no God means I can't really be forgiven except by kindness and faulty memories. That's good; it makes me want to be more thoughtful. I have to try to treat people right the first time around.
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You can't allow people freedom and then change your mind when the things don't go your way.
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I was about 12 when I heard my first Lenny Bruce record. He was already dead. But it changed my life and really did change the world.
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If I were trying to avoid embarrassment, I wouldn't have stumbled my way through 'Dancing with the Stars.'
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I believe in individual rights so much that I don't like any sort of 'what's good for the cause'-type questions.
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Everybody wants clean, safe energy. Some people think nuclear is the way to go. Some people think coal is the way to go. Some people think wind is the way to go. And there's always balances on that.
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The most important part of life is work, it's the flow, it's getting stuff done, feeling like you're doing something.
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'Zolten' is a common Hungarian name, it's my wife's maiden name and most importantly, it's the name of Dracula's dog.
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If you like the stuff I do, my chances of liking you go up.
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I'm a hardcore libertarian - I want everything legal - but I also believe that you have the right to free association.
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Technology adds nothing to art.
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It's fair to say that the Bible contains equal amounts of fact, history, and pizza. … God works in mysterious, inefficient, and breathtakingly cruel ways.
Penn Jillette