Jasper Carrott Quotes
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Celador always ask me to do their shows, and I turned down 'Millionaire.' I couldn't have done it as well as Chris Tarrant, or at least I couldn't have done it any better.
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When the amalgam is delivered to your dentist in a special protective box, he has to take extreme caution when handling the stuff: with masks, gloves, gowns, goggles, all needed to protect him from danger. He then drills your teeth and rams the mixture into your cavities, whereupon it becomes miraculously, instantly safe!
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I've always been sensible with my money. I can't say I'm a business genius.
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I have to confess here that I am a useless cook.
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The impact of T.V. on our lives in general gets most things out of proportion.
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There's a rumour going 'round that if you amass a certain number of penalty points on your driving licence, the authorities will make you take your test again! Now, if ever there was an incentive to drive carefully, they could not have threatened a more terrifying ordeal.
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Happiness to me is simply not being unhappy.
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Touring has been a major part of my career. I've done a lot of huge shows, including a 13-night sell-out stint at the Indoor Arena in Birmingham, playing to a total audience of 65,000.
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The whole debate on what food is best for us is complex, ongoing and often controlled by vested interests.
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I want to do things I enjoy, and show business comes fifth or sixth down the line.
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I have that working class fear of having nothing. I've always got one eye on what's in the bank.
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I started to develop my comedy skills when I became resident singer at the Boggery Folk Club in Solihull. My career blossomed from there, and I became a big draw on the folk-club circuit.