Jim Gaffigan Quotes
You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

Quotes to Explore
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The PBSI (Indonesian Badminton Association) have to work harder to widen the pool and find quality players. The present indifferent culture has to change.
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My direction has never really changed, because I don't think that you can really work gimmicks in gospel music. With gospel music, there is this central theme that always comes around about the love of God, the love of Jesus and the power that you have through Jesus Christ. You don't need a gimmick when you have that.
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We tend to talk about death as if it is losing a battle, but that assumes living is winning and dying is not.
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A long iron rod rocketed straight through the very forefront of Phineas Gage's brain. It's kind of an unusual part of the brain: you can suffer pretty severe injuries to it and often walk away from the injury. It's not a part of the brain that's necessarily vital for your biological self. But it is very important for personality.
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We need affordable childcare and paid sick leave so workers don't have to choose between their health and their livelihood.
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Jessica Lange was my biggest crush when I was a kid.
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I never lose confidence. As soon as you lose confidence, you're done.
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What were once only hopes for the future have now come to pass; it is almost exactly 13 years since the overwhelming majority of people in Ireland and Northern Ireland voted in favour of the agreement signed on Good Friday 1998, paving the way for Northern Ireland to become the exciting and inspirational place that it is today.
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I like films to be pure cinema, but I also like them to provide a snapshot of a family, a society or a character - something that can nourish you as a human being as well as an actor.
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Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others.
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My friend Jerry Falwell was the one who said it, and he was a guest on my show, and it's hard to take the blame for everybody who shows up on your show.
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When I was born, my parents - my mother especially - couldn't come to terms with that fact that they had another baby girl. I know these stories in detail because every time a guest visited, or there was a gathering, they repeated this story in front of me that how I was the unwanted child.
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There is no way to prosperity, prosperity is the way.
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Enjoy every sandwich.
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Too often, older women are seen as victims, but I know lots of formidable women who have marvellous jobs as well as a full erotic life, and children and friends and family.
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I was about nine years old when a teacher administered my IQ test. Unfortunately, as I was nine, I didn't know that I needed to keep the paperwork for future reference.
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Sometimes it's more difficult to achieve a 10% cost reduction than it is to tell people they have to achieve 50%. Small incremental steps block your view of doing something fundamentally different.
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I never met a woman I didn't like. I love 'em all, in their different ways.
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Also note that invariably when we design something that can be used by those with disabilities, we often make it better for everyone.
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My kids are all pretty big and tough and strong, and I don't worry about them being bullied - the reverse, be kind to people and don't ever be a bully yourself, and I think they've followed that.
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Working with John Stamos is a ton of fun. He's just the biggest sweetheart - and he's just still gorgeous as can be. Such a hottie!
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Every time I get mad, I grab my hammer and make a bookshelf or something.
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One Oxford poet confessed to me that I had been scary because I talked American and wore tennis shoes.
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You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.