Jim Gaffigan Quotes

You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

Jim Gaffigan

• Kids
• Baby

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Quotes to Explore

• The PBSI (Indonesian Badminton Association) have to work harder to widen the pool and find quality players. The present indifferent culture has to change.

  

  Taufik Hidayat
  • Work
  • Culture
  • Change

• My direction has never really changed, because I don't think that you can really work gimmicks in gospel music. With gospel music, there is this central theme that always comes around about the love of God, the love of Jesus and the power that you have through Jesus Christ. You don't need a gimmick when you have that.

  

  Yolanda Adams
  • Music
  • God
  • Love

• We tend to talk about death as if it is losing a battle, but that assumes living is winning and dying is not.

  

  Hanya Yanagihara
  • Death
  • Winning
  • Dying

• We need affordable childcare and paid sick leave so workers don't have to choose between their health and their livelihood.

  

  Jackie Speier
  • Health
  • Sick
  • Choose

• Jessica Lange was my biggest crush when I was a kid.

  

  Oscar Isaac
  • Kid
  • Crush
  • Biggest

• I never lose confidence. As soon as you lose confidence, you're done.

  

  Vernon Wells
  • Done
  • Confidence
  • Lose

• What were once only hopes for the future have now come to pass; it is almost exactly 13 years since the overwhelming majority of people in Ireland and Northern Ireland voted in favour of the agreement signed on Good Friday 1998, paving the way for Northern Ireland to become the exciting and inspirational place that it is today.

  

  Queen Elizabeth II
  • People
  • Good
  • Future

• I like films to be pure cinema, but I also like them to provide a snapshot of a family, a society or a character - something that can nourish you as a human being as well as an actor.

  

  Tahar Rahim
  • Family
  • Character
  • Society

• Of course, no one wants to ban the vote. Voting should remain available for sporting and recreational purposes. But certain types of votes clearly should be curtailed - 'assault votes,' for example, in which the only purpose of the vote is to harm others.

  

  P. J. O'Rourke
  • Purpose
  • Vote
  • Voting

• My friend Jerry Falwell was the one who said it, and he was a guest on my show, and it's hard to take the blame for everybody who shows up on your show.

  

  Pat Robertson
  • Up
  • Friend
  • Said

• When I was born, my parents - my mother especially - couldn't come to terms with that fact that they had another baby girl. I know these stories in detail because every time a guest visited, or there was a gathering, they repeated this story in front of me that how I was the unwanted child.

  

  Kangana Ranaut
  • Time
  • Mother
  • Parents

• There is no way to prosperity, prosperity is the way.

  

  Wayne Dyer
  • Way
  • Prosperity

• Enjoy every sandwich.

  

  Warren Zevon
  • Enjoy
  • Every
  • Sandwich

• Too often, older women are seen as victims, but I know lots of formidable women who have marvellous jobs as well as a full erotic life, and children and friends and family.

  

  Francesca Annis
  • Life
  • Women
  • Children

• I was about nine years old when a teacher administered my IQ test. Unfortunately, as I was nine, I didn't know that I needed to keep the paperwork for future reference.

  

  Walter O'Brien
  • Future
  • Teacher
  • Test

• Sometimes it's more difficult to achieve a 10% cost reduction than it is to tell people they have to achieve 50%. Small incremental steps block your view of doing something fundamentally different.

  

  Eckhard Pfeiffer
  • People
  • Different
  • Small

• I never met a woman I didn't like. I love 'em all, in their different ways.

  

  B. B. King
  • Different
  • Love
  • Like

• People get in fights because they don't communicate, because you don't want to hurt the other person.

  

  Aaron Paul
  • People
  • Want
  • Hurt

• What I miss when I'm away is the pride in baseball. Especially the pride of being on a team that wins.

  

  Billy Martin Good Charlotte
  • Team
  • Baseball
  • Pride

• My kids miss me when I'm away, but I don't mind living out of a suitcase. The U.K., U.S., France, Germany, Iraq... it's such a thrill meeting people of different cultures, learning about and from them. It's changed my perception about life, humanity and spirituality.

  

  A. R. Rahman
  • People
  • Life
  • Different

• When you're in your mid-thirties, the cult of people who have children around you all want you in their cult, and they constantly ask you, 'So when are you going to have a baby?'

  

  Jenny Lewis
  • People
  • Children
  • Baby

• My grandfather left Cuba when Castro came into power and literally left everything. He had two suitcases and two kids and showed up in New Jersey and waited for my uncle to meet up with him. Imagine - there were no cell phones back then!

  

  Chrissie Fit
  • Up
  • Kids
  • Power

• I know there are some actors who won't switch their accents off when they're on set and like to be called by their character's names. That works for them, and that's great.

  

  Kenneth Lonergan
  • Great
  • Character

• You know what it's like having five kids? Imagine you're drowning. And someone hands you a baby.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Kids
  • Baby