Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.

Quotes to Explore
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There are more fools than knaves in the world, else the knaves would not have enough to live upon.
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Fashion and interior design are one and the same.
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If Bill jumps into something that relies on a lot of cymbals, I'll jump into something that relies on a lot of skin sounds; if he goes into metal tones, I'll go into wood, and so on. I basically play in his holes.
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I would be too selfish if I said everyone should see my movies more than once. To say that would mean I'm just marketing my work!
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A woman who demands further gun control legislation is like a chicken who roots for Colonel Sanders.
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Every bad thing that's happened to me has defined me, has shaped, has moulded me.
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If a Chinese student does not know Chinese learning, it's like a person without a surname, a horse without a bridle, a boat without a helm. The more Western learning he possesses, the more hateful of China he will become. Even if he becomes a capable man of vast learning, how can he be of any use to the state?
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Today, our economy is about an economy of ideas.
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I'm not really that girl who dreams about her wedding day.
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They want to let the audience figure things out and let the reaction shot get the laugh.
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When I was a kid, I had two great guilty pleasures. One was horror movies and the other was martial arts movies.
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I am an Indian to the core.
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A lot of times, we look at jazz in eras. How can we not keep those eras separate and think of the language as one complete continuum? It's all interrelated, and it's all evolutionary.
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There is one day that is ours. Thanksgiving Day is the one day that is purely American.
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Only a completely unintelligible God can be said to be absolutely good and absolutely powerful yet tolerate the world as it is.
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The good people look for challenges. When teaching becomes a prestigious profession, then you'll get good people.
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I haven't sold to the movies. In other words, I haven't gotten any enormous checks yet.
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Who have I picked fights with over the years? Bill Gates. Google. Mark Zuckerberg. Even - despite everything that's written about my relationship with Steve Jobs - we had yelling matches.
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American voters have to pay closer attention to politics if they want to avoid four years of whining about the outcome.
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Should I be the happy mortal destined to turn the scale of war, will you not rejoice, O my father?
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I don't like hope very much. In fact, I hate it. It's the crystal meth of emotions. It hooks you fast and kills you hard. It's bad news. The worst. It's sharp sticks and cherry bombs. When hope shows up, it's only a matter of time until someone gets hurt.
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I must fling myself down and writhe; I must strive with every piece of force I possess; I bruise and batter myself against the floor, the walls; I strain and sob and exhaust myself, and begin again, and exhaust myself again; but do I feel pain? Never. How can I feel pain? There is no place for it.
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When I was immobilized by fear, I might have a panic attack. I've had a couple of panic attacks in my life.
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I do want everyone to feel comfortable. That's why I'd like to talk to you about Jesus.