Jim Gaffigan Quotes
One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.
Quotes to Explore
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I converse with my dog through ESP.
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Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
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We in the Middle East like to talk politics, we like to argue. Just look at the three prophets - Moses, Jesus and Mohammad. They are all from this small region which creates problems all the time.
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My parents and my brother instilled in me my sense of humor. That's kind of the way we communicate with each other, and it's always been a way for me to get to know people.
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When I was 13, I started working in a nightclub with Ray Charles. That's the greatest school in the world, the school of the streets. Ray taught me how to read in Braille. He was only two years older than me, but it was like he was 100 years older.
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I liked to play dress-up.
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Growing up, I was always the small guy.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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I've been thinking about Jesus. Don't you find it a bit strange that, since He was living with His family and all, He up and left them just when they needed him most?
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Oh, isn't it cool? It's so cool being an actor! It's so cool having my face on a bus.
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You lose the speed before the stamina.
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That's what the sari is about. Everything is covered, yet a peep of an ankle can be a turn on for men.
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I have lifestyle requirements. Photos, meetings, lunches, dinners, facial care, tooth care. It requires an exorbitant amount of money.
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We live on a planet that is amazing, beautiful, and full of wonder but not protected from powerful destructive forces of nature. We are capable of doing wonderful and selfless things but also self-absorbed and harmful things. This is the world we live in.
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It's important to understand that one gender is not superior to the other.
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If you go to a second-rate place, and you are first-rate, it is very difficult to do first-rate work because you do not get that critical feedback you need for first-rate work on a daily basis.
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I keep everything that's private private.
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So I had the opportunity to do what the kids in the Hershey program do, except that the Hershey program lets them do it on such a larger scale, with the regional and national competitions.
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Over the years, I learned that in my career, unlike in life, sometimes my wheelchair is its own automatic door opener. I was able to win the OWN competition by applying one simple principle: be funny, and admit you suck before anyone else can call you out on it. In other words, make the narrative of your failure a comedy.
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I think what we should have done is integrate the web site with the magazine much earlier in the process.
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Many people continue to travel despite our warnings against all but essential travel.
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Time travels in divers paces with divers persons.
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One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.
