Jim Gaffigan Quotes
One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.
Quotes to Explore
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I converse with my dog through ESP.
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Inappropriateness is funny to me. Rudeness is hilarious.
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We in the Middle East like to talk politics, we like to argue. Just look at the three prophets - Moses, Jesus and Mohammad. They are all from this small region which creates problems all the time.
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I just heard the latest joke about my hair: 'Do you know what that is on her head? It's a steering wheel to drive the state.'
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My parents and my brother instilled in me my sense of humor. That's kind of the way we communicate with each other, and it's always been a way for me to get to know people.
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When I was 13, I started working in a nightclub with Ray Charles. That's the greatest school in the world, the school of the streets. Ray taught me how to read in Braille. He was only two years older than me, but it was like he was 100 years older.
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I liked to play dress-up.
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Even in the angels there is the subordination of one hierarchy to another, and in the heavens, and all the bodies that are moved, the lowest by the highest and the highest in their turn unto the Supreme Mover of all.
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If I'm elected president, we will repeal every word of Obamacare.
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As scary as it is, I like making real, direct eye contact with people from the stage. In a sense, it's like modeling: that feeling of locking in and projecting some kind of emotion to try to captivate people.
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Growing up, I was always the small guy.
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Teasing and a sense of humor, if you can develop that in your kids, and if you can exercise it with the kids, just makes for a pleasanter atmosphere.
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I've been thinking about Jesus. Don't you find it a bit strange that, since He was living with His family and all, He up and left them just when they needed him most?
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Oh, isn't it cool? It's so cool being an actor! It's so cool having my face on a bus.
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You lose the speed before the stamina.
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Formation of a new race takes place when, over several generations, individuals in one group reproduce more frequently among themselves than they do with individuals in other groups.
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That's what the sari is about. Everything is covered, yet a peep of an ankle can be a turn on for men.
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I have lifestyle requirements. Photos, meetings, lunches, dinners, facial care, tooth care. It requires an exorbitant amount of money.
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We live on a planet that is amazing, beautiful, and full of wonder but not protected from powerful destructive forces of nature. We are capable of doing wonderful and selfless things but also self-absorbed and harmful things. This is the world we live in.
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It's important to understand that one gender is not superior to the other.
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There is no such thing as women's intuition. You all just have crap poker faces.
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People always ask you, 'What's your dream job?' This is my dream job. It really is a dream opportunity to have your own nationwide daily sports talk show for an hour.
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Space is not only high, it's low. It's a bottomless pit.
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One thing I'm afraid of is not taking advantage of opportunities. I feel like these are kind of gifts.
