Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
Quotes to Explore
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I feel like the reason people feel like they know me is because I'm giving you myself in the music. There's where the connection comes from; you can't Twitter that.
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I took the position from day one that it was the right decree, that the modifications I made to the decree were proper, that the correct outcome had been obtained, and that in due time all of that would become apparent. And it has become apparent.
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You either make dust or eat dust.
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What I'm still grappling with and learning how to do is to be looking and thinking cinematically, having come from television.
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The problem with rich lists is... it is impossible to know what someone is worth until they have died and you have sold it.
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But, unfortunately, sometimes that affirmation creates a sense that you deserve special treatment and recognition in areas where you're not so talented.
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We are building technology to keep up with what's happening in the world. It's transforming the way people are working. We're bringing the enterprise to the world.
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Speed can't always get you wickets.
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I'm trying to write a TV show. Ideally it would be just a reality-TV show, getting the guy who played Eddie Winslow and Kirk Cameron to live in a house. The Jehovah's Witnesses would come to the house a lot or something like that. I kind of like the idea of Scientologists and Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses trying to convert Kirk Cameron.
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Americans should never believe, even incorrectly, that one's criminal activity will go unpunished simply because it was committed on behalf of a corporation.
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We are all totally committed as elite athletes. To think that pushing people around and bullying them is the best way to get results out of them is just ludicrous.
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Pregnancy isn't 'I can eat whatever I want,' because you have to remember you're going to be stuck with a lot of that weight afterwards that you need to try to get off.
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You realize when you're pregnant how lucky you are to have access to medical care.
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The National Surveillance State doesn't want anyone to be able to communicate without the authorities being able to monitor that communication.
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When I travel with my kids abroad, I am not myself, but I'm more a father who wants to protect them. Sometimes, I am even aggressive about certain things and get surprised seeing myself like that: for instance, when people want to take pictures of them. I am fine if they want to take my pictures, but they are not public property.
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What we find is that if you have a goal that is very, very far out, and you approach it in little steps, you start to get there faster. Your mind opens up to the possibilities.
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I do have a television over there - it was a gift - but I never turn it on. I'd rather read a book.
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You can have whatever you want if you believe in yourself and keep your feet firmly planted in the ground.
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All things are hush'd, as Nature's self lay dead,The Mountains seem to nod their drowsy head;The little Birds in dreams their Songs repeat,And sleeping Flowers, beneath the night-dew sweat;Even Lust and Envy sleep.
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We can't have - we can't have a patchwork of 50 states developing their own immigration policy. I understand the frustration of people in Arizona. They want the federal government to step up and deal with this problem once and for all, and that's what we want to do.
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I don't want to write any more screenplays, I'll tell you that right now. It's a waste of time. You've got too many people who think they have the answer to a good screenplay and they don't. No one knows.
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Anything that's resolvable is boring, musically. And if it's too chaotic, you don't feel tension; it's chaos.
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I spent my life - all my life - learning to wrestle. It's the only means of livelihood I've ever had and, uh, the only gimmick that I have in wrestling is wrestling.
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
