Jim Gaffigan Quotes
I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
Quotes to Explore
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I feel like the reason people feel like they know me is because I'm giving you myself in the music. There's where the connection comes from; you can't Twitter that.
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I took the position from day one that it was the right decree, that the modifications I made to the decree were proper, that the correct outcome had been obtained, and that in due time all of that would become apparent. And it has become apparent.
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You either make dust or eat dust.
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What I'm still grappling with and learning how to do is to be looking and thinking cinematically, having come from television.
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The problem with rich lists is... it is impossible to know what someone is worth until they have died and you have sold it.
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But, unfortunately, sometimes that affirmation creates a sense that you deserve special treatment and recognition in areas where you're not so talented.
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We are building technology to keep up with what's happening in the world. It's transforming the way people are working. We're bringing the enterprise to the world.
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Speed can't always get you wickets.
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I'm trying to write a TV show. Ideally it would be just a reality-TV show, getting the guy who played Eddie Winslow and Kirk Cameron to live in a house. The Jehovah's Witnesses would come to the house a lot or something like that. I kind of like the idea of Scientologists and Mormons and Jehovah's Witnesses trying to convert Kirk Cameron.
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Americans should never believe, even incorrectly, that one's criminal activity will go unpunished simply because it was committed on behalf of a corporation.
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We are all totally committed as elite athletes. To think that pushing people around and bullying them is the best way to get results out of them is just ludicrous.
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Pregnancy isn't 'I can eat whatever I want,' because you have to remember you're going to be stuck with a lot of that weight afterwards that you need to try to get off.
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You realize when you're pregnant how lucky you are to have access to medical care.
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The National Surveillance State doesn't want anyone to be able to communicate without the authorities being able to monitor that communication.
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When I travel with my kids abroad, I am not myself, but I'm more a father who wants to protect them. Sometimes, I am even aggressive about certain things and get surprised seeing myself like that: for instance, when people want to take pictures of them. I am fine if they want to take my pictures, but they are not public property.
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I do have a television over there - it was a gift - but I never turn it on. I'd rather read a book.
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You can have whatever you want if you believe in yourself and keep your feet firmly planted in the ground.
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When you're the victim of the behavior, it's black and white; when you're the perpetrator, there are a million shades of gray.
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It's the ultimate pinnacle of stand-up to have an hour on HBO, but way more people see Comedy Central, and they've been good to me.
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But you still have an awesome responsibility, because you are helping to create something which might influence the thinking of millions of people.
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Pro-lifers have long been castigated for bringing private values into the public square. But actually it is the pro-abortion position that is based on merely personal views and values.
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Having deadlines helps because people are constantly breathing down my neck, and tapping their toes waiting for pages. So I just have to work nine to five. If I didn't have deadlines then I might be more of a golden hour kind of guy, writing from eight to noon and calling it a day, but that's just not the way I work right now.
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I don't really look toward the future. I only look at the present.
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I always want my standup act to appeal to everybody in the room, and when I started standup, and I would see people talk about their kids and their wife, and I'd always cringe a little bit, like, 'I can't get a date, I don't know what you're talking about.'
