Jim Gaffigan Quotes

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Jim Gaffigan

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Quotes to Explore

• It's funny because when I'm outside Australia, I never get to do my Australian accent in anything. It's always a Danish accent or an English accent or an American accent.

  

  Mallory Jansen
  • American
  • Funny
  • English

• If I hear a lie in my life with my children, with my wife, my work, my audiences, I want to annihilate myself, vaporize myself and wipe myself off the face of the earth.

  

  Mandy Patinkin
  • Life
  • Work
  • Children

• When I am writing a story it feels as real as the life I am experiencing off the page. It's an emotional illusion, I guess.

  

  Tayari Jones
  • Life
  • Writing
  • Emotional

• I write songs about things that I'm simultaneously trying to not think about.

  

  Warren Zevon
  • Trying

• If you want a strong society, it has to be inclusive. If you have to push a boulder up a hill, do you want 10 people or 100? If you weed out colour or gender, you get 10.

  

  Cyndi Lauper Blue Angel
  • People
  • Up
  • Society

• If you saw me without makeup, you wouldn't recognize me.

  

  Cyndi Lauper Blue Angel
  • Makeup
  • Saws

• If I came across a role that is completely mainstream and commercial, but it's the right one, I'd jump at the chance.

  

  Kylie Minogue
  • Chance
  • Jump
  • Role

• It dawned on me, the enormity of my situation. I was, in fact, the catalyst for it all. That feeling has stayed with me ever since.

  

  Lonnie Donegan
  • Feeling
  • Situation
  • Catalyst

• My friends call me 'Dolittle One' [a reference to her physical stature and affinity for animals].

  

  Gloria Estefan Miami Sound Machine
  • Friends
  • Animal
  • Affinity

• I heard Davey Havok has a brand of eyeliner out now... its AFI-liner

  

  Billie Joe Armstrong Green Day
  • Brand
  • Davey Havok
  • AFI-liner

• I don't believe in luck. ... It's persistence, hard work, and not forgetting your dream.

  

  Janet Jackson
  • Work
  • Believe
  • Dream

• We can all be more consistently involved in missionary work by replacing our fear with real faith.

  

  M. Russell Ballard
  • Work
  • Real
  • Fear

• My name is not Susan, so watch what you say. If you still need her, then be on your way.

  

  Whitney Houston
  • Relationship
  • Needs
  • Stills

• You can have a lot of New York and still see what's going on in the rest of the world, I think - like in China.

  

  Diana Ross
  • World
  • Thinking
  • Rest

• When I saw myself with barely any makeup at, it was such a… like, I'm so, so attached to my pink lipstick, it's hard. I feel that it's become a part of me. To go in front of the camera, without pink lips or big ol' crazy lashes — you know, nothing — I felt naked. It was scary! So this photo shoot was a real accomplishment in my eyes.

  

  Nicki Minaj
  • Real
  • Eyes
  • Crazy

• Ofttimes the test of courage becomes rather to live than to die.

  

  Vittorio Alfieri
  • Life
  • Dies
  • Tests

• It is better, I think, to grab at the stars than to sit flustered because you know you cannot reach them.

  

  R. A. Salvatore
  • Thinking
  • Knows
  • Stars

• The only safe thing is to take a chance. Play safe and you are dead. Taking risks is the essence of good work, and the difference between safe and bold can only be defined by yourself since no one else knows for what you are hoping when you embark on anything.

  

  Mike Nichols
  • Risk
  • Knows
  • Differences

• You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Knows
  • Wraps