Jim Gaffigan Quotes

You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

Jim Gaffigan

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Quotes to Explore

• It's funny because when I'm outside Australia, I never get to do my Australian accent in anything. It's always a Danish accent or an English accent or an American accent.

  

  Mallory Jansen
  • American
  • Funny
  • English

• If I hear a lie in my life with my children, with my wife, my work, my audiences, I want to annihilate myself, vaporize myself and wipe myself off the face of the earth.

  

  Mandy Patinkin
  • Life
  • Work
  • Children

• When I am writing a story it feels as real as the life I am experiencing off the page. It's an emotional illusion, I guess.

  

  Tayari Jones
  • Life
  • Writing
  • Emotional

• I write songs about things that I'm simultaneously trying to not think about.

  

  Warren Zevon
  • Trying

• If you want a strong society, it has to be inclusive. If you have to push a boulder up a hill, do you want 10 people or 100? If you weed out colour or gender, you get 10.

  

  Cyndi Lauper Blue Angel
  • People
  • Up
  • Society

• If you saw me without makeup, you wouldn't recognize me.

  

  Cyndi Lauper Blue Angel
  • Makeup
  • Saws

• If I came across a role that is completely mainstream and commercial, but it's the right one, I'd jump at the chance.

  

  Kylie Minogue
  • Chance
  • Jump
  • Role

• It dawned on me, the enormity of my situation. I was, in fact, the catalyst for it all. That feeling has stayed with me ever since.

  

  Lonnie Donegan
  • Feeling
  • Situation
  • Catalyst

• My friends call me 'Dolittle One' [a reference to her physical stature and affinity for animals].

  

  Gloria Estefan Miami Sound Machine
  • Friends
  • Animal
  • Affinity

• I heard Davey Havok has a brand of eyeliner out now... its AFI-liner

  

  Billie Joe Armstrong Green Day
  • Brand
  • Davey Havok
  • AFI-liner

• I don't believe in luck. ... It's persistence, hard work, and not forgetting your dream.

  

  Janet Jackson
  • Work
  • Believe
  • Dream

• We can all be more consistently involved in missionary work by replacing our fear with real faith.

  

  M. Russell Ballard
  • Work
  • Real
  • Fear

• My name is not Susan, so watch what you say. If you still need her, then be on your way.

  

  Whitney Houston
  • Relationship
  • Needs
  • Stills

• You can have a lot of New York and still see what's going on in the rest of the world, I think - like in China.

  

  Diana Ross
  • World
  • Thinking
  • Rest

• When I saw myself with barely any makeup at, it was such a… like, I'm so, so attached to my pink lipstick, it's hard. I feel that it's become a part of me. To go in front of the camera, without pink lips or big ol' crazy lashes — you know, nothing — I felt naked. It was scary! So this photo shoot was a real accomplishment in my eyes.

  

  Nicki Minaj
  • Real
  • Eyes
  • Crazy

• Compulsion is a behaviour that short-circuits you out of feeling ashamed, and then you feel triple-ashamed afterwards.

  

  Alejandro Ghersi
  • Feeling
  • Ashamed
  • Compulsion

• We can get so much out of golf. I know I have, and I'd like to see the same for you. Golf is the game of a lifetime, one in which you can get better and better. It's not what you do that counts, but what you attempt to do.

  

  George Knudson
  • Better
  • Golf
  • Games

• The difference between life and the movies is that a script has to make sense, and life doesn't.

  

  Joseph L. Mankiewicz
  • Life
  • Movies
  • Sense

• Many a man curses the rain that falls upon his head, and knows not that it brings abundance to drive away the hunger.

  

  Saint Basil
  • Man
  • Knows
  • Rain

• You wanna know how good bacon is? To improve other food, they wrap it in bacon.

  

  Jim Gaffigan
  • Knows
  • Wraps