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Some forms of reality are so horrible we refuse to face them, unless we are trapped into it by comedy. To label any subject unsuitable for comedy is to admit defeat.
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Who in the world am I? Ah, that's the great puzzle!
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I like to watch.
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If I can't really find a way to live with myself, I can't expect anyone else to live with me.
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If you ask me to play myself, I will not know what to do. I do not know who or what I am.
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Mein Führer! I can walk!
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I writhe when I see myself on the screen. I'm such a dreadfully clumsy hulking image. I say to myself, 'Why doesn't he get off? Why doesn't he get off?' I mean, I look like such an idiot. Some fat awkward thing dredged up from some third-rate drama company. I must stop thinking about it, otherwise I shan't be able to go on working.
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People will swim through shit if you put a few bob in it.
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We don't want to start a nuclear war unless we really have to, now do we Jack?
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To see me as a person on screen would be one of the dullest experiences you could ever wish to experience.
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Conversation like television set on honeymoon... unnecessary.
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I'm a classic example of all humorists - only funny when I'm working.
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There is no me. I do not exist … There used to be a me, but I had it surgically removed.
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It won't be easy, that is why I have always failed where others have succeeded.